Mary Fahl's Top ten party tips for the novice hostess

When I met my husband, I had no idea I'd soon be thrust into the world of playing "hostess." His work requires him to entertain guests from around the world, whether it be for small dinner parties or larger, more official events. My line of work requires entertaining of a very different sort and I'll admit, my inexperience at "hostessing" left me initially daunted.

Several years and many gatherings later, I've made a lot of mistakes but learned a great deal about how to throw a party. I'll even go so far as to
say I've developed a bit of a knack for it. It mostly comes down to one thing: Generosity of spirit. Treat your guests the way you'd like to be treated.

Here are my top ten suggestions for any of you nervous, budding hostesses out there...

Photo copied and digitized from an image appearing in the Sunday Truth, 07 January 1940, p. 29. via Wikimedia Commons

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10. Make the setting as inviting as you can.

I love to walk into a beautiful, inviting setting. It doesn't matter if you live in a tiny apartment or a Park Avenue penthouse... candles - and I mean LOTS of them - can make any room magical. I prefer small votives placed everywhere, and while I do like tall candles on the dinner table, I don't like candelabras or anything that blocks the view of my guests from each other. Strategically placed flowers also make a big difference in a room.
They don't have to be extravagant arrangements… a water jug with daisies can work just as well. In the winter, I love to have a fire going in the hearth - I think there's something about a lit fireplace that humans are drawn to in a primal way.



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9. Make sure the music suits the gathering.

The wrong music, or music that's way too loud can ruin a gathering. Try to find a playlist that suits the taste of the guests... and please, keep it low. People need to hear each other, not the drum solo. I generally prefer some Ella or Louis Armstrong during cocktails and instrumental music during dinner.

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8. Have a round table.

Long, rectangular tables may look great in all those editorial shoots, but they are awful for conversation. Feng Shui manuals have it right - round tables are much better for guests getting to know each other. Everybody can get in on the conversation and at least for me, great conversation and laughter are more important than great food.



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7. Have a seating arrangement.

I just think having a seating arrangement already in place makes people more comfortable. For my own wedding, I spent more time sweating over just the right seating than I did over any other detail. You see, I want people to
walk away from my party feeling as if they made new friends, so I try to figure out who is going to resonate with who the best.



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6. If there's a dress code - make sure people are clear about it.

Whatever the dress code, be as obvious and clear about it as you can. I was at a gathering recently where the guests were told the code was "relaxed brunch”… half of us were in jeans feeling under-dressed and the other half
were decked out in Chanel. Wearing the wrong outfit makes most of us (my husband being the exception) feel awkward - and an awkward-feeling guest is not going to have a good time.



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5. Cook most of your food ahead of time.

I want to enjoy the party as much as my guests do. If I'm having a great time, it is likely they are too. Plus, I feel the need to be on hand to tend to my guests’ needs and keep everyone engaged. That's just not possible if I spend the evening sweating over a stove. I never use a caterer unless it's a big event and as I'm partial to French food, I like to cook delicious stews in advance like Beouf Bourguignon that are easy to serve and actually taste better the next day.



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4. The food doesn't need to be gourmet.

Now it's just my opinion, but I don't think a party should be about showing off your cooking skills, it should be about making people feel welcome and relaxed. How many excruciatingly boring dinner parties have we all been to
with exquisite food? Some of you talented cooks out there will disagree with me, but I don't feel it’s necessary to have food that's fussy or looks like it was prepared by a Top Chef finalist. Food is important,but it doesn’t make the party… people do. The food just has to be good and satisfying - and there should to be plenty of it... so please, don't be stingy in your menu planning.



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3. Have a lot of booze on hand.

A warning to tea-totalers out there, close your eyes - this is not for you. That said, in my experience, having more than enough booze on hand has saved many a mishap-laden event. A note for you wine-snobs: a party shouldn't be about showing off your wine expertise. If the wine you’ve provided is that good, those who “know” will know. For the rest of us, there are dozens of decent wines at reasonable prices. Just find a good liquor store with a knowledgeable wine expert and it will save you a lot of time and confusion.



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2. Make sure all of your guests are interacting.

This is more obvious at large gatherings... If you see someone standing alone and not interacting with anybody, for heaven's sake, go over and talk to them… or better yet, walk them over and introduce them to a group - and don't leave until they're engaged in conversation. You see, I'm a little shy sometimes, so I'm especially sensitive to shyness in others. I can't tell you how many times I've been a guest at a large gathering where the host seemed utterly oblivious to the fact that I was standing by myself
half the night. At my own wedding, there was a couple from out-of-town that I had invited who didn't know anyone else in the room but me. I made it a point to encourage my other guests to go and talk to them. The "out-of-towners" ended up being the most popular couple at party (next to the bride and groom of course…).



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1. Be flexible and have a sense of humor.

Mishaps will occur… "stuff" will happen... it's inevitable. Get over yourself... learn to improvise... I once had the electricity go out just before guests were due to arrive. Our fireplace is rigged for cooking, so we moved the dinner out to the living room and everybody gathered round for an intimate, hearth-cooked meal. It ended up being one of the nicest, most memorable dinner parties we've ever had.

Image Courtesy of Warner Brothers

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As I said earlier, generosity is the key to throwing a good party. It's not about you, it's about your guests. Give them enough food, wine and plenty of attention and despite the mistakes you're going to make, they will likely have the time of their lives - and that's what a party is for, right?

When singer songwriter Mary Fahl isn’t touring the country, she loves entertaining, cooking, staying in shape and maintaining a dozen raised garden beds that provide her home with a wonderful stream of herbs and vegetables throughout the growing season. The former lead singer and founder of October Project hails from Rockland County, NY and currently lives in an idyllic setting in eastern Pennsylvania along the historic Delaware River with her husband- marine biologist and deep-sea explorer Dr. Richard Lutz. Fahl’s new album, Love and Gravity will be in stores on 2/11/14 and is currently available digitally. For tour dates and more information, please go to MaryFahl.com

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