You know that otherworldly, bizarre feeling you get after waking up from a bender? It’s like you’re on a different planet. This weeks episode of New Girl appropriately titled “Mars Landing” shows our favorite roommates on a day after binge drinking.
The intro to the episode highlights Jess, Nick, Schmidt, Winston, Coach, and Cece all engaging in their favorite drinking game, True American. The friends drunkenly explore American history, visit Ellis Island, drink cognac from each other’s hands and end up passed out in a people pile on one bed. The celebrations leave each one of them helplessly hungover.
Jess and Nick reluctantly wake up and struggle to drink the glass of water set on their bedside table. A painfully annoying cell phone ring leads them to find out that they are late for a 1st birthday party. Nick politely declines Jess, stating, “I’m not interested in that birthday party, thank you for the invitation.”
In their own hungover state, Schmidt, Winston, & Coach run into their new neighbors, two flawlessly beautiful young women who are in the process of moving in. Coach is donning women’s sunglasses, and Schmidt is so awestricken that he drops his bagel out of his mouth onto the pavement.
Upstairs in the apartment, Cece is facing her drunken mistakes, the always unfortunate drunk texting scandal. As she approaches the guys for help, Schmidt reads aloud some of her booze-infused texts. “I miss the way your hands smell, an entire Jewel song, and you want to buy a rabbit together?” Schmidt’s advice to Cece is to send her “child bride” a “little yellow man” also known as an emoji.
Winston suggests that the guys help the new ladies next door move in, but Schmidt and Coach feel that they should take this matter into their own hands. They then scoff at Winston, and push him onto Cece’s drunk texting problem.
Meanwhile, Nick and Jess are still aboard the struggle bus and are attempting to get dressed for the party. Jess appears wearing a skirt and a bikini top, and says “I found some things and put them on.” Nick throws her a flowered blouse, and an emotionally hungover Jess starts to cry, “I couldn’t have done it without you!” It’s both pathetically adorable and hilarious.
Jess then realizes that Nick has yet to assemble the toy she had bought for her godson’s birthday. Her emotions run even deeper as she rants, “This is it, it’s Christmas morning, our little guy waiting by the fireplace, but there’s no gift, ‘cause daddy’s in the other room putting it together!”
Nick is taken aback by her monologue and questions if she is talking about their unborn child. Jess then puts Nick in the hot seat and asks him, “What are you thinking? Where do you picture us?” Nick’s tell-all facial expression is alarmed and afraid.
Winston’s aide to Cece’s situation is quite short lived. Cece shows her phone to Coach and Schmidt, letting them see Winston’s solution to the problem. “Are those nursing cats?” Cece retorts, “Winston said it was funny!” Low and behold, moments later Winston appears carrying furniture for the new neighbors.
Back at Jess and Nick’s uncomfortable hangover discussion, Nick is discussing his ideas about his future career as a truck driver. “The family would be in Montana or Mars Landing if the government steps up.” Jess’s eyes widen as Nick spouts out random, nonsensical information about his perceived future. He also informs her that because of a bet with Schmidt he is required to name is first born Reginald VelJohnson, after the actor in Family Matters. When Jess asks what the bet was, Nick chuckles, “I said I could flip a pancake that was really big.” He then admits that the name is a step up from the original deal, which was to name the child “ass baby.”
Schmidt, Winston, and Coach are now all lending a hand in the girls next door’s move in process. During the unpacking, it is revealed that the blonde has a boyfriend but alas, the brunette, Michelle is single. Now, the three of them, but mostly Schmidt and Coach are in competition to win over the likings of Michelle.
Jess and Nick continue to bicker over their future plans. Jess paints a picture of their family, living at a lake house, with a house smelling of cider, and two kids that are “so creative that they named themselves.” Nick is obviously confused, and states “Why would I spend my hard-earned truck money on an earth house!?” The argument continually moves from light-hearted to increasingly serious. Nick argues, “You can create a plan for life, and then crazy things get thrown at you.”
The argument escalates, and Nick and Jess realize that they want different things. Nick yells, “Well should we just break up!?” and the two of them burst into laughter. They then decide to forget the future and try to assemble the toy.
The competition gets heated as the guys continue the move in process. Coach and Schmidt begin to banter outside the truck, and end up breaking a mirror and a vase. Winston, infuriated, and disgusted states that the they broke Michelle’s “study abroad mirror” and “dream vase.”
Back in the apartment, the toy is assembled completely wrong, including outside additions like duct tape, and a water bottle. Jess and Nick start to argue again, and Nick decides to weld the plastic together with a lighter. Amidst the arguing, the welding, and the emotional hangover, a fire starts. Nick and Jess take a little too long to realize and continue their fight as a blanket goes up in flames. Nick asks why Jess let him try the idea if she thought it would end badly, to which she responds “If I was always honest with you we would never stop fighting!” Ouch.
Winston is sick of Schmidt and Coach’s antics and tells the women the truth. Claiming, that they all just want to sleep with Michelle but Winston is the only nice guy. Cece is seen calling her boyfriend, who ends up standing right in front of her. She asks him if her texts freaked him out, and he asks in his irresistible Aussie accent “How are you? Hungover? Would you like to get some pancakes?”
After the literal fire, Nick and Jess must try to extinguish the heated tension between them. Nick asks Jess, “Do you ever miss when we were just friends?” She nods. They are torn because they love each other, but Jess points out, “What if that’s the only thing we have in common?”
The beloved couple decides that they were better as friends. Nick walks Jess to her room, and she comes back out and they hug for long moment. “Schmidt is living in my room.” As they turn to walk away, Schmidt appears, “Jess! Jess I don’t know what you’re afraid of, it’s just a man doing the downward facing dog in the nude. A couple of testicles hanging upside down!” The episode ends, along with primetime’s favorite friendship turned romance.
What do you think? Will Nick and Jess get back together? Or are they really better as friends?
New Girl airs on FOX Tuesday nights at 9/8c.