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Don't Give Me That Attitude!
by Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Children and the parents they nag.
In her latest book, parenting expert Michele Borba, Ed.D., (No More Misbehavin') tackles the most annoying childhood characteristic – attitude – the whining, complaining and noncompliant behaviours that leave parents feeling drained at the end of the day.
Borba calls the widespread occurrence of youth with attitudes a “swiftly growing epidemic,” in many countries, but most predominantly in Canada, the United States, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Finland. And while psychologists have bandied about terms for the behaviour like “overindulged,” “narcissistic,” or “egocentric regressed,” Borba says most people agree that the old standby, “spoiled brat,” suits just fine.
Although today's youths have their strong points-their generation is volunteering more than any generation before them, for example – they can also be arrogant, insensitive and manipulative.
According to Borba, many parents resort to picking up after their children and doing their chores for them, because it's easier than dealing with the reaction they get when they try to have their children behave more responsibly. The result, however, is that many parents feel like they are running a hotel and restaurant instead of a home.
Today's children also seem to be adept at playing one parent off against the other, to get what they want, or nagging their parents into giving in after they have said no. Still others have lifestyles that require their parents to have three jobs to support them, while they act like drama queens, or spew cutting remarks dripping with sarcasm. And then there's the Couch Potato Kid, lying prostrate on the sofa, the remote control seemingly a natural extension of his hand, and their neglected chore list yellowed with age beneath a rusted fridge magnet.
If you find yourself the parent of one of these darlings, Borba recommends that you “check your own instincts and ask yourself whether parenting is bringing you more stress than joy, more pain than happiness, more pangs than rewards.” If the answer is yes – if you find you're doing more nagging than nurturing – it's time to take action.
Borba notes that the leading cause of a persistent bad attitude in a child is not opposing the attitude when it first appears, but other causes include keeping up with the Joneses, parental guilt sparked by long work hours keeping you away from your family, and a misguided (although well-intentioned) desire to keep kids stimulated, all leading to a sense of entitlement.
The book's first chapter features a quick-reference chart listing “Bad Attitude Emergencies” which require immediate intervention, complete with the corresponding page number for the action plan to deal with the offending behaviour.
If your child is bad-mannered, Borba recommends “mandatory manners training” that targets 85 different good manners. If your child is bad-tempered, she suggests looking at your own behaviour to see if you have been modelling angry outbursts. If your child is demanding, the prescription involves stopping the conversation immediately and then scheduling a later time to discuss the matter at hand, or declaring a moratorium on asking for anything for three weeks.
Each chapter lists additional resources for both parents and children that address the targeted behaviour.
Borba also tells parents what not to do. Thinking “it's just a phase,” for instance, only serves to make an attitude problem worse by allowing it to become ingrained.
With each behaviour, Borba seems to hit the mark, describing the behaviour, what causes it, and how to fix it. The common theme that runs throughout the book is that it is important to remember that attitudes are learned, and therefore can be unlearned.
Title: Don't Give Me That Attitude!
Author: Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Publisher: Josey Bass
ISBN: 0787973335
Review written by: Marc Duane Anderson
Reviewer's Rating:9.5
Reader's Rating: 1.00
Reader's Votes: 1
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