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|The Colbert Report||Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|Mr. Smith Goes to the State Legislature, Then Later Possibly Washington - Bob Morris & Kyle Jones|
For his 1,000th episode, Stephen Colbert kicked things off by tooting his own horn. He told The Simpsons to “suck it” for taking so long to reach 500 episodes. He reminisced about all the things he and his show have done for America, and gave all the credit to “500-Hour Energy.” He also talked about “why [he] did it,” and said it was for ski ball tickets. His desk apparently produces one after every episode, and he excitedly talked about getting the 1,000th ticket, joking that after 1,000 he gets to trade them in and stop doing the show.
Then he talked about President Barack Obama and his approval rating, which has hit 53 percent. But Colbert took hope from the rising oil and gas prices, saying that “gas prices are so high, our cars have lost the will to live.” And the blame of course lands on Obama. It's common knowledge that the president has direct control of gas prices. He had an analyst, John Kildoff, on to tell him that the world market sets the oil prices, but he would not be swayed. They also discussed alternative forms of energy, including puppy labor.
He then talked about the Republican presidential nominee, or lack thereof. He said the Republicans need to look to the state legislature for a nominee and suggested Bob Morris, a lawmaker from Indiana who opposes...wait for it...the girl scouts. He said they are a “radicalized organization that promotes abortion and homosexuality.” Morris apparently did “a small amount of web-based research” that founded his claims. Colbert also did some research, typing in “girl scouts” and “lesbian” into Google. He was amazed at the results, and was especially surprised that one could “earn a merit badge in scissoring.”
His guest was Ross Eisenbrey, who is fighting unpaid internships. They discussed how many unpaid interns receiving college credits have to pay for those credits, which means they are getting doubly duped. Eisenbrey believes anyone working for someone else's financial gain should be paid, and that unpaid internships lead people to the mindset that they don't need to pay for labor.
Colbert wrapped up the show by trading in his 1,000 tickets for a “world's sexiest grandpa” mug, which he dropped and broke, meaning he needs to now do another 1,000 shows.