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Stephen Colbert kicked off last night’s report with an update from El Presidente. On Friday, Obama announced that the federal government will not deport illegal immigrants who were brought here as children if these individuals have a high school diploma and no criminal record. This replaces our policy of not deporting them if they’re really, really good at baseball.
Critics on the right have accused Obama of pandering to Hispanic voters in a move that was purely political. After all, Obama needs something to attract this demographic; right now he’s barely clinging to a 43-point lead among Latinos.
Good thing the G.O.P is fighting back, designing an outreach webpage designed specifically to attract Hispanic voters. The website is quite precise in its target demographic, so precise in fact, that last week’s banner featured a stock photo of Asian children. It’s all part of the American dream. “These Asian kids can grow up to be anything they want,” Colbert declared. “Even Hispanic.”
But the practical consequences of these revamped policies were small enchiladas compared to the big news burrito of the week. When reporter Neil Monroe interrupted Obama during his immigration statement, he unleashed a firestorm of criticism from liberals and conservatives alike.
Monroe maintains that he thought Obama was about to end his statement. And as Colbert pointed out, it’s hard to know when Obama’s going to end something (Guantanamo Bay, anyone?)
And the president does have a proclivity for punctuating his speeches with pregnant pauses. In a clip from the State of the Union address, members of congress had time to take a lunch break, nap, and read War and Peace in its entirety during the time it took for Obama to move from one statement to the next.
But moving on to more serious international affairs, Colbert rehashed recent high-level diplomatic talks with Sweden. Scandinavia’s knockoff of Canada has recently launched a national Twitter account in which one Swede takes a turn each week tweeting for the entire nation.
Last week, Colbert launched operation Artificial Swedener, campaigning for the reigns of the account. While Colbert unleashed a devastating barrage of online support from American followers, Sweden refused to cave. This week, the official spokes Swede tweeted, “People who are not Swedish citizens cannot take over the account.”
But as Colbert pointed out, the account has nearly doubled its followers since he mentioned it on his June 12 show. “Sweden, Americans are starting to notice you,” he declared. “Pretty soon, we may even be able to find you on a map.”
In the show’s final segment, Colbert sat down with Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman, who has authored 20-some books, including The Return of Depression Economics and the Crisis of 2008.
“So you will admit that Obama took us to a depression,” Colbert said.
“He inherited one,” Krugman replied. “He’s made some mistakes. I would argue that most of it was the administration before him. But it’s just a worldwide problem.”
Krugman went on to argue that laying off government workers during a depression is one thing the country should not do. “In a way solution could be easy. Just rehire teachers, policemen, and firefighters, we’d be a long way towards getting out of this,” he said.
Colbert proposed a different solution: Obviously the real answer is war in Europe. He proceeded to argue that Europe’s economic failings are a preview of America under Obama - a broken socialist system.
Krugman responded that the most generous welfare state in the world – Sweden – is doing just fine comparatively (though they’re lagging in the social media department).
Krugman continued that the economically depressed Ireland employs policies similar to those Mitt Romney proposes.
“But the Irish do very well in deep depressing times,” Colbert replied. “They’ve got those jigs and stuff that they do.”