- Special Features
- Blogs & Columns
- Fun & Games
The Galactic Empire, the evil rulers of the galaxy in the original Star Wars trilogy, are happy that the Obama Administration decided not to build a Death Star.
In a statement posted on the official Star Wars blog, the Empire said that the decision confirms the “overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire.”
“It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,” Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories said in the statement. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”
The Empire states that the decision was clearly made in cowardice, not because of fiscal responsibility. “The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production,” Admiral Conan Motti added.
Motti stressed that no Earth forces should ever dare attack the Death Star. “Any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture,” he said.
Obama and his administration decided Friday that building a Death Star would not be feasible, since the administration “does not support blowing up planets.”
The administration also noted that it just won’t make sense to spend money on a station that could be destroyed by a single ship, a fact the Empire obviously forgot.
Clearly, someone at the Lucasfilm offices had a little bit too much time on their hands today.