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'The Colbert Report' recap -3/4/2013

By Ricky Riley,

This episode focuses on the Sequester, scientists, guns and features Kirk Bloodsworth.

Colbert starts the show with the Sequester. If we don’t cut Head start programs, kid nutritional programs, cut teacher’s wages, what kind of future will we have for our kids. President Obama does not take his blame like a man.

In a news conference, Obama said that he can’t do a Jedi Mind Meld on those who disagree with him. Everyone knows that is impossible. The president’s sci-fi mix up should be the Republicans gain. Forget Benghazi gate, this is Ben Kenobi gate.

Nerds and Republicans have a lot in common. They both live in a fantasy world and they can’t get understand women.

In the half way point of the show, Colbert has a special report on science. Scientists are the enemy within. Who has the scallop guts? Skylar Bear is a scientist without a PhD. She conspired to get guts from a scallop fisherman for an “experiment”. In an attempt to deliver them, He put the fish guts in the wrong car.

The owner of the car, Gayle returned the guts to the scientist. However, the guts were really scallop testicles. Gayle had a trunk full of scallop balls for an “experiment." The police did not care. Skylar has two reasons for wanting scallop balls. One, create human hybrids and two, play God.

In the last block of the show, Colbert talks guns. Gun sales are spiking. President Obama may not want to deal with the Sequester but guns are still a hot topic. It’s a shopping frenzy very similar to Black Friday but more dangerous. In Texas, the state government wants to reduce gun training hours from 10 to 4 hours. Who wants to devote an entire Saturday to gun training when you can spend that time accidently shooting your family. A grad student, Kyle Copeland, wants to give out 12 gauge shotguns to people for free. However they must take a safety course and background check. Who knows this could work.

Kirk Bloodsworth sits down with Colbert to discuss his time on death row and the Witness to Innocence project in the final minutes of the show. He wants to get rid of the death penalty state by state. Currently 33 states have it. He believes the system does not work.

Colbert does not like this because the death penalty is as American as killing someone with an apple pie. And without the death penalty Christians won’t have a religion.

This was a great start to the week. The Colbert Report airs on Comedy Central.

 

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