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Oh, Amazon Reviewers. Most of the time, I have no clue what motivates you to post your silly, serious, or downright ludicrous comments for the universe to see. I’m usually left wondering what aliens would think of our quirky need to write about our products. But then I realize how ridiculous the products are in the first place, and I happily enjoy a few hours laughing at stupid Amazon reviews — like the ones of bottled water.
The fact that people buy bottled water in the first place is funny enough. There’s water everywhere! In your house! In public drinking fountains! In restroom sinks! Safe to drink with purifiers you can buy on Amazon! And don’t even get me started on the fact that said water bottles have not only a brand name (Nestle), but six sub-brands (Zephyrhills, Ozarka, Ice Mountain, Arrowhead, Deer Park, and Poland Spring).
Of course, some people apparently really, really need bottled water; “rwizard” wrote (in a comment that I’m terrified might actually be true):
“…our area was subjected to an absolutely idiotic experiment in which they thought it would be a good idea to simulate a terrorist attack on the water supply by intentionally contaminating the water with a "harmless" bacteria. We were assured that the bacteria would quickly be eliminated from the system. Ironically, years later, in spite of the noxious chloramine content, the bacteria still shows up from time to time (it is bright pink, and easy to spot). I wonder if they are as sure of the harmless part as they were of the short term nature of the contamination?”
But still, reviews like the one titled Wet from “G.T. Olson ‘GTO,’” are awesome.
“This water is good and wet. When you put the bottles in the fridge, you get cold water. This water will quench your thirst and is suitable for most situations where water is called for. Some applications, like filling a swimming pool or showering, may infrequently arise. In such instances, this water will work but you may want to look for a substitute in much larger bulk.
The clear plastic container probably does not leach chemicals into the water, but even then, it is not very environmentally friendly. The actual water is pretty good and I haven't found any floating debris or anything bad or smelly in it. You may also want to save money and take your own H2O with you, consider the Sigg Classic Bottle - Traveller (0.6-Liters).”
Poster “greeneink” put it more succinctly:
It’s just water
“No taste, no flavor, but just fresh water without which our bodies would die. We have to water our bodies like we water plants. If we don't water plants, they die; if we don't water us, we will die, too.
Wait, really? I’m having a lightbulb moment here — we need water? Humans are like plants? WHO KNEW?
Photo Courtesy of Amazon