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On Wednesday’s episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen talked about YouTube, sports, chess, Senator Cruz and Joseph Gordon Levitt.
When the episode began, Stephen said there was nothing more precious than the first amendment because without it, he wouldn’t be able to use his show to tell the viewers about the second amendment.
The topic at hand - YouTube comments. Google, which owns YouTube, wants to crack down on comments because they can be downright mean. Stephen said that YouTube is the freest speech there is: free from grammar, spelling or punctuation. Because he didn’t want to have these comments edited, Stephen penned a letter for all of his viewers to comment against the change on all boards (Please, please, please don’t comment here).
Stephen had his Sport Report in this episode. He discussed the new NCAA rules that there will be a penalty for targeting players on their heads. You cannot hit a player on the head.
Stephen pointed out that it was a dumb rule because we were all wearing 'bone helmets' (skulls) over our 'think meat' (brains). He said that it was a slippery slope. One day you can’t hit players in the head and next the quarterback has to play the entire game strapped in a car seat.
Stephen believed that there was a war on football and FOX’s The Five agreed. There was an insistence that “the left” was holding a war on football, which will lead to America being “wussified.” According to Stephen, this is the “wussy way of saying p-ssy.” On The Five, the crew compared football to the military because of the language they use.
The next topic in Sport Report was computer chess. Stephen wasn’t a fan because he’d rather lose at updating his Windows program. However, in San Francisco, the police are cracking down on street chess.
Street chess had become a home for illegal gambling, drug and alcohol use, violence and barbequing. (You can’t make these things up, folks!) Stephen pointed out that chess is dangerous and is filling the American streets with 16 on 16 brawls.
He then called out the Sport Report chess expert. It was actually lightweight boxer Floyd Mayweather. Mayweather said that chess could be violent, but with practice, it would be ok. He said that there are going to be bad apples in the chess life but, “in tough neighborhoods,” it may be the kids’ only way out.
Stephen discussed Senator Ted Cruz’s filibuster. Senator Cruz discussed White Castle, Ashton Kutcher and Duck Dynasty. Taking a closer look at the senator’s filibuster, Stephen realized that it wasn’t a filibuster.
Senator Cruz opposed “Obamacare,” but the bill he was filibustering was a bill that would defund the healthcare act and Senator Cruz knew that he would have to yield the floor by noon anyway.
Since it wasn’t technically a filibuster, the news networks weren’t sure what to call it. One FOX commentator called it a “theater of absurd.” Personally, I just call it a colossal waste of tax dollars.
The guest of the night was (the incredibly adorable) Joseph Gordon Levitt and he discussed his film Don Jon.
This was a “meh” episode of Colbert, probably because I’m not a big Sport Report fan, but the interview with JGL was cute.