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On this episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen talked about the government shutdown (again), discussed Killing Jesus, and interviewed MSNBC anchor Chris Matthews.
Stephen began the episode discussing day two of the shutdown. He commented that the sky didn’t fall. However, we wouldn’t know because NASA is shut down. Stephen also noted that the government had shut down before. It shut down in 1995 and was closed for 28 days.
Because of the previous shutdown, Stephen had made a survival kit for the next shutdown. In his survival kit were three items: OJ Simpson’s glove, a Tamagotchi pet and Coolio. The Tamagotchi pet was dead; Stephen blamed ObamaCare. Also, trying to get Coolio out of the box, it turns out that he died in it too.
After showing a few clips from FOX News, Stephen said that we will be fine and that the shutdown is not that big of deal, economically. FOX News personalities said that no one would notice and to remind the public that it isn’t Armageddon.
He then showed a clip of CNN saying that FOX News is calling it the slim-down rather than a shutdown. Stephen agreed that it was a slim-down because nine million women and children will be losing the services to get the nutrition that they need. It was polite, he said, women and children first.
Stephen said that the shutdown was good thing, but it was all Obama’s fault, mocking the flip/flop on the FOX News network. He then showed clips of politicans blaming President Obama for the shutdown. They asked where he was in the whole deal.
When they said that President Obama was meeting with Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell, Republicans stated that they weren’t going to “blink.” Stephen mocked Michele Bachmann, stating that she has been practicing her entire life.
Stephen then transitioned to talking about his hero, papa bear, and safe word: Bill O’Reilly. The segment was called "Blood in the Water." Stephen talked about how O’Reilly had written three books about killing people. He wrote Killing Lincoln, Killing Kennedy and, most recently, Killing Jesus. Stephen added that he also wrote children’s book Killing Clifford.
In an interview with 60 Minutes, O’Reilly said that he stood by his book and that all of his ideas come to him in the middle of the night. O’Reilly said that he believed that the Holy Spirit told him to write Killing Jesus.
After receiving backlash from the reporter, O'Reilly added that he didn't think he was the chosen one. He was just one guy that God spoke to.
Stephen mocked him by saying that God talked to him too. He shined a spotlight on himself and pretended to have a conversation with God. Stephen said that God approached him with the Killing Jesus story, but he passed. Then, he snuck into O'Reilly's bedroom and whispered it into his ear.
Stephen interviewed Chris Matthews and discussed Ronald Reagan's presidency. Matthews said that, at this point, he felt like Reagan was a better president than Obama.
Matthews said that he was angry about the shutdown (join the crowd, buddy) and that it needs to end.
Matthews even had some sass for O'Reilly. Matthews said that God didn't tell him to write his books. He even went as far to say that someone needed to write a Killing O'Reilly book. Ouch.