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On this episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen talked shutdown, Thanksgiving, weed and Parkland.
Stephen began the episode saying that it was day eight of the shutdown. He said that tomorrow would be day 10 because day nine was on furlough. Stephen said that the shutdown was no big deal and that he felt warm and fuzzy knowing that it was shut. However, the news clips that he showed stated that it was a big deal and that the nation could go into default.
According to the news clips, the dollar was the most important paper in the world. The U.S. defaulting would be an economic Armageddon. Stephen joked that the hobo costume on Halloween might be a real, poor hobo.
In the clips from Fox News, Stephen showed that the default was no big deal. They said that it was laughable that the country would fail. As Stephen said, tragedy plus time equals comedy and there is still time until the default so, obviously, it is hilarious.
Stephen suggested that instead of trying to decide where the U.S. should put their funds, they make people fight it out to the death to get the money. Beyond that, he said that the world should stop depending on the dollar and that the world currency should be the euro or the teeth of children.
However, Stephen showed a clip of Representative Ted Yoho (who “represents the Pirates of the Caribbean ride,” according to Stephen) stating that not raising the debt ceiling would bring stability. Stephen compared that to cutting off both of your legs to bring stability to your torso.
Stephen transitioned by asking the audience who smoked weed. After there was a long cheer, Stephen told them that one of the side effects of marijuana was hollering mindlessly when you hear the word weed. He reminded the audience that 21 states had legalized medical marijuana and two had legalized it for recreational use.
In Colorado, the police handed out Doritos bags with drug safety tips. The tips included not driving while under the influence and don’t listen to your music too loud. Stephen was horrified that the police would allow this.
He even said that Eric Holder, attorney general, would allow the drugs as well. The justice department simply said that the smokers can’t smoke in public and can’t give it to children. Also, a congressman said that they should legalize and tax weed. Stephen was not pleased.
The pot story was lame. It went on too long and it wasn’t really funny. However, it wasn’t as bad as Stephen’s Thanksgiving story.
The final piece of news that Stephen covered was the fact that Thanksgiving and Hanukkah both took place at the same time. Stephen said that Thanksgiving was one of his favorite holidays, which was strange because he isn’t a fan of “giving or saying thanks.” He said that he always likes to go big. He said that last year he had a gravy boat and this year he would have a gravy kayak.
The segment was “Thanksgiving Under Attack” and the promo had someone firing shots at an animated Jesus in the tomb with a turkey. He told the audience if they were confused then they could watch the show from “about five years ago.”
Thanksgiving and Hanukkah overlapped and that upset Stephen because he liked when it overlapped with Christmas because then he could make sure that everyone knew that he wasn’t wishing them a happy Hanukkah. He said that, this Thanksgiving, he was just going to tell everyone merry Christmas.
He also said that having the two holidays at the same time would confuse children. He said that instead of drawing hand turkeys, the children would be forced to draw hand menorahs. Obviously, since it took two hands to make a hand menorah, Stephen tried to do it himself.
After drawing the menorah with his hands and mouth, it looked terrible. Jokingly, he smelled the sharpie that he was using and drew on his face. Ironically, the mark on his face looked like the mustache that Adolf Hitler had. Stephen was so entertained that he broke character to laugh at himself.
Stephen finally said that he didn’t want it to happen for another 80,000 years and then showed a clip that said that the overlapping wouldn’t happen again for 79,000 years and that that just “p—ed him off.”
Stephen interviewed Paul Giamatti about his new film Parkland. They discussed his character, Abraham Zapruder.
Most of The Colbert Report interviews never stay on topic but the Giamatti interview (mostly) focused on the film and Zapruder’s role in it all. As someone who has seen Parkland, it was incredibly interesting to hear the actor discuss it all.
It was an OK episode but not the best. The most interesting part was the interview, which you can watch below, and that made up for the lame weed segment.