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This week on Workaholics, Alice is forced by TelAmeriCorp’s corporate office to conduct a “health initiative.” Her response is to initiate a 3-on-3 basketball tournament for her employees. As Alice so graciously puts it, a 5k would “kill half of these slobs,” so basketball it is.
Naturally, Adam, Blake, and Anders comprise their own team, and they seem to have the tournament in the bag. They are the youngest, most athletic individuals at the office, which is saying a lot of their coworkers since most of their time is spent smoking and playing video games. Their projection for winning the tournament and a trip to Reno looks promising, until they are introduced to the most valuable player on Montez’s team.
Lynette, a TAC accounting employee, randomly enters the tournament. To their dismay, she is a former all-star women’s basketball athlete. She almost made the Olympics until Cheryl Miller took her spot and ruined her chance. After Jillian’s team loses to Montez and Lynette, she approaches Lynette with a Sharpie and a t-shirt that writes “Cheryl Miller’s Time” and asks her to autograph it for her.
Anders decides to take a more physical approach. His answer for crushing Lynette in basketball is to remove her from the tournament altogether. He essentially insults her until she is provoked to punch him and hurt her hand. Well, his risky tactic works. She ends up breaking her hand, and Ders breaks his nose. But, it’s the sacrifice he must make for the team.
Lynette is out, which is great for them, but they are now faced with another dilemma. Blake is putting his World of Warcraft murder mystery party above basketball practice, whereas Anders is sacrificing his nose and Adam is willing to inject as many steroids as it takes to win. This causes internal conflict within the team. When Anders and Adam become juiced up on steroids, they scare off all of Blake’s friends. Blake is so upset that he quits and decides to join Montez.
Simultaneously, Adam induces his own heart attack by injecting steroids directly into his heart, which lands him directly in the hospital. Now Anders has to find substitutes for his teammates. In order to do so, he has to break the rules and disguise a random person as a TAC employee. Montez exposes this, and when Blake finds out Adam is in the hospital, he grows soft and switches back to his old team alongside Anders.
Jillian gives a play by play to Adam on the phone – in addition to some hilarious side conversation – of the championship game. This time, our guys come out on top to win. Adam literally gets in the car to Reno while still in his hospital nightgown. Road trip!
When Jillian is included in the script, she vies for my favorite Workaholics character. She adds even more character to the show and proves she can be just as hilarious as the boys.
Best lines from Jillian this episode:
1. “Alice is a huge fan of female basketball. Do you think maybe we could get an autograph?”
2. “Okay, I’m sorry. Blake, can we get nametags or something? Cuz you just called that guy sea-fart fire truck. I’m never gonna remember that.”
3. “There’s glass everywhere! This is the best moment of all our lives.”