American Idol - The Agony and the Ecstasy

The time we've all been waiting for has come. The warbling jokesters will soon be a distant memory, replaced by the consistently broken dreams of genuinely talented individuals who came within inches of success and had to endure a plummeting fall. No one was safe from this in Hollywood as the judges cut through the potential talent with a machete, removing those pesky weeds before they grew up to be Kevin Covais or Bucky Covington. No one was safe from elimination, not even "commercial with a capital C" Bailey Brown, whose fall from grace was representative of the theme of this year's American Idol - commercial just isn't good enough.

It seemed that the Hollywood drama went by lightning fast this year, as the producers shrunk the usually drawn out (remember the Brokeback Mountain spoof last year?) audition phase down to just one night of excruciating drama. Perhaps this had something to do with the fact that the judges were merciless with their cuts, saving no one who didn't absolutely glow with potential. Early round shockers were the eliminations of Jory Steinberg, who shined in her original audition, Jarrod Fowler, whose navy charm just wasn't good enough, and Porcelana Patino, whose soulful "Love No Limit" had the Idol blogosphere buzzing.

After the one-strike-and-you're-out massacre round, Idol served up a full plate of the deliciously designed group round, the phase of Idol when producers start casting the villains and the heroes of the season with help from the contestants themselves (the prevailing attitude being, "I don't care about you, this is my life!"). Year after year on American Idol, contestants who have wept with their good fortune at going to Hollywood, braved the nerve-wracking elimination rounds and primed themselves for international fame and fortune, annihilate their dreams by forgetting six lines of a simple pop song. Why they do this is the equivalent of the mystery of Stonehenge, an unknowable puzzle that time and perspective may never be able to unravel. This year, the most heartbreaking of the lyrics bumblers was Matt Sato, whose American Idol experience had given him the joy of hearing his mother say "I love you." Later, Matt's mother was far less enthused to hear that he was coming home, having failed to memorize correctly the lyrics of "Sugar Pie Honey Bunch," or whatever inane pop song he failed to remember.

The greatest cat fight of group round, however, came with the predictably petty actions of Amanda Collucio, the moderately talented Jersey girl, who committed the other cardinal sin of the Idol audition rounds - staying up and flirting with the other contestants. Collucio was in a group with the aforementioned Bailey Brown, who choked completely, freezing up and swaying back and forth mutely to "This Old Heart of Mine" during their audition. However, instead of shaking Bailey's hand and expressing her regret that it didn't work out for her, Amanda explained Bailey's failure with the audacious explanation that "God only likes good people." There was no indication of what Amanda saw Bailey doing that would bring God's righteous wrath down upon her, but apparently, later on Amanda also committed some sin which obscured her virtue in the Almighty Creator's eyes, as she was eliminated the very next round.

All in all, it was the tensest Hollywood Week ever, likely due to the fact that the contestants were all so acutely aware of the transforming effect Idol could have on their lives. Perhaps due to this, some of the frontrunners (Sundance Head, notably) floundered while others shined (the quartet of Chris Sligh, Rudy Cardenas, Thomas Lowe, and Blake Lewis). The hour ended with a fitting tribute to the whole process - Sanjaya Malaka embracing his sister Shyamali with tears in his eyes. The Idol fates had allowed him through, while Shyamali, sadly, was left behind.