Dealing with News of Cancer
When I started writing this column, I did not know I was going to walk through so many life experiences that I could fill a book.
Yesterday I went into doctor to see what was going on with what I thought was a hormone imbalance and a "routine" pap test. There was nothing routine about it and both were connected. I was hit hard and knocked down in a minutes time.
I was told there were red blotches everywhere and my doctor is sure it is cancer. I was so in shock I could not think from then on for hours. I couldn't cry - I was just numb.
I dreaded telling my husband who was not with me at the time so I tried to think of things to do but I could not function. I couldn't remember what I was doing so finally I went home.
I called every friend I feel close to and realized I had more than I knew. I needed support and prayers going up for me.
When my husband got up, I had to tell him and it hit him hard. It took a little while to sink in as it did me.
I cry a lot now and especially when I am by myself. None of this is good news.
One moment I am living a normal life and going about my business. The next my world is crumbling. I am already dealing with my mother who is in the last stages of Alzheimer's and now this. My husband has knee problems and we are dealing with that too.
Life isn't easy.
But one thing I can say is that my mama taught me to fight. I have survived because I learned to survive by her example.
But what my future holds, I will be writing about so others may know that walking through cancer yourself is hard. It affects your friends, your family, and others.
My step-grandchildren just lost their grandpa who was their support and now they look to me for encouragement and uplifting and I get hit with this.
I am going to try to write in this column so if someone else is out there they will know they are not alone and it is okay to be numb and wonder.
I go see an OB/GYN next Wednesday to find out where we go, but I've already researched on the internet and don't like what I have to face.