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'Family Guy' Recap: 'Brian & Stewie'

By Thad Komorowski,
Half-New/Half-Old = Gold

A whole episode of Family Guy without cutaways? Sort of.

Brian and Stewie have gone to the bank so Brian can visit his safety deposit box (which also contains a dead bird and a gun). Stewie is adamant that he has to return a $3000 sweater today, or face the consequences of being stuck with it. Unfortunately, the worst happens. They get locked in, and Stewie craps his diaper. No one will be back until morning. Now what?

So he won't be stuck with it, Stewie suggests that Brian eats the poop in his diaper and lick his bottom clean. Brian flat-out refuses, even though he admits he eats his own crap. Stewie then realizes he's had his cell phone the whole time, but there's only enough energy for one call - which Stewie uses to try and get an extension on his sweater return. The battery dies and Brian smashes the cell phone and smacks Stewie, hurting his feelings really badly. Brian concedes that he will have to eat the contents of Stewie's diaper - and he does. Stewie then realizes that it's Saturday - which means two nights inside the vault, of course.

Fortunately, Brian keeps a bottle of booze handy and the two get completely wasted. Stewie has Brian pierce his ear with the pin in his sweater and he does - fairly badly, ripping a rather large hole in Stewie's ear. ("Wait don't we need an earring so it won't close?" "It's not gonna close.")

Things get heated again when Brian and Stewie cuss each other out, with Stewie revealing that Brian is just "the best of a bad situation," and that he had Brian eat his poop just to see if he would actually do it. Brian threatens to shoot Stewie with his gun, but the latter points out that it will all be on security camera - as well as the crap-eating and heiny-licking. The gun accidentally sets off and sends a bullet ricocheting all over the vault.

The next morning, hung-over, the two reflect while eating some of the energy bars Stewie suddenly remembers he had. Brian reveals that the gun was in his safety deposit box in case he ever decided to commit suicide, and that the booze was for his last drink. Stewie reveals that he really loves Brian ("Not in an 'underpants party' kind of way") and that it'd be selfish of him to take away his one true friend. The two fall asleep as Brian reads one of his Dickens first editions; the next morning sees Brian leaving with a sleeping Stewie as the vault door opens for the new day.

For the second half of the show, it's an all out musical tribute hosted by Brian and Stewie. Two new ones are featured that were cut from past episodes: Peter and the fat guy choir mourning over their fallen brethren in a religious song about how God is a wideass, and a tribute to The Errand Boy with Peter in the role of Jerry Lewis. Past highlights from old episodes include You've Got a Lot to See, My Dear Old Drunken Irish Dad, and Shipoopi (Stewie: "Again?!").

 
 

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