'Jersey Shore' recap: ‘Free Vinny’
Vinny left less than a week ago and the roommates are still moping around about it. We get it, you’re a family and you all love each other. Please, move on and do what MTV pays you to do. Get drunk and rampage Seaside Heights, NJ.
The action lacked this week again, but there were some high points and a few low ones as well. Let’s go over the facts:
Mike goes on a walk to clear his mind and everyone assumes he left for good. Danny, the t-shirt guy stops in letting the roommates know he wants to fill up the empty spots in the house. He also adds there is a lack of effort at work with everyone trying to sleep on the job. No surprise on both counts, the gang is upset about the realization. They might also be sad people recognizing they are lazy.
Mike shows back up to the house, “I am a very sensitive guy,” he says because he feels like no one cares about him in the house. However, he’s unaware of the surprise party being planning by the girls.
The next day at work, the jersey kids start making sales and putting in the effort needed because working at a t-shirt shop on the Jersey Shore is so stressful, right?
After work, Deena calls up Vinny to see if he can make the trip down for Pauly and Mike’s surprise party. Her words were more along the lines of “are you going to come for your boyfriend’s birthday?” He tells her there is no chance he will be making an appearance. Everyone wants hime back at the house, but he, being the responsible human he is, knows it’s not the best thing for him right now.
Deena, upset with Vinny’s absence, gets ready because there are strippers needing to be interviewed. The twosome suit up with all the meatball power they can hold and meet up with Sam and Jenni at Karma.
At the club, the girls meet up with the Wizard of Ass who starts asking them all kinds of creepy questions like “Do you want [the strippers] to pull their pants down?” Now, who would these kids think would be handling a stripper service in New Jersey anyway? Come on, people! After discussing something a long the lines of wheelchairs and handcuffs and strippers ohh my!! The girls and meatballs seem pleased with the plans and decorations set off for the rest of the day – at the Shore Store.
It seems like a normal day at work, until people keep coming in asking about a position at the store. JWOW notices a “Help Wanted” sign outside the store and tears it down under the assumption of there is no sign there will be new roommates. A new sign goes up against the gang’s protests. They still are
holding onto hope Vin will come back. Ronnie explains how it is the fifth house the roomies have had together, but with my math I’m pretty sure it’s three. Wishful thinking, bros.
Sidebar: the meatballs go party supply shopping and purchase a creepy bunny suit.
It’s the night of the big surprise party and the birthday boys do not suspect a thing. The group gets ready just like it’s a normal Thursday night at Karma … but … SURPRISE!! THE WIZARD OF ASS DELIVERED!! Pauly looks excited but Mike seems a little skeptical. It could just be how his face looks. Who knows! The meatballs bring out wheelchairs (you know, because they’re old). That is not the only surprise with strippers!!
The night went from a nightmare to a dream, with strippers coming out of cakes and 30-year-olds in wheel chairs. Mike is having a lot of fun with the blonde stripper the girls got him. Birthday boy Pauly connected with a burnette girl in the corner.
The last call is shouted and Mike grabs the stripper. Back at home she complains or asks for everything. She insists on having a matching pair of socks. Mike is confused about the sock thing because they are going to take their clothes of anyway. After everything, Mike get turned off by the whole sock scenario and passes on a smush sess with the stripper.
Downstairs, drunkass Ronnie and Deena call Vin to beg him to come back. He is even getting sick with the constant ringing and ignores the call. This upsets Ronnie so much he starts crying because his friend is in Siberia, I mean, Staten Island.
In the morning, the stripper ended up sleeping over, but Mike doesn’t even know her name. “It might be Anita, as in, I need a cigarette, I need a sandwich, I need to go.” He kicks the girl out into the mid-morning sun before her cab shows up. Class.
Tonight is couple’s night for the gang. Deena calls up Ronnie’s friend Joey for a date. He obliges and public kooka number one could not be more excited.
Sidebar: Snooki suits up in her bunny suit and scares Jenni. Wondering how long they are going to play this out this season.
Jionni shows up for the night with slowers for his pint size girl friend and all I was think was “Aww.” Except two minutes of Jionni being there, she pushes him up to the smoosh room to have her way with him. Joey and Paula, Deena and Mike’s dates, storm through the door and the crew is ready. Snooki passes out after gettin’ it in with Jionni. Everyone complains about Vinny not being there and Snooki being obsessed with her boyfriend (we get it).
The couples taxi it to Bamboo and cheers the night away to Vinny! All of a sudden, a chick fight breaks out and HOLY SHIT IT’S SAM! Apparently, some girl started pulling her hair when she was standing by the bar. “You don’t yank my newly weave … It’s me against the world,” Sammi says after the fight.
Couple style to Bamboo.
Next morning, Paula leaves and Mike admits she probably will get another date. She also confided in him she hadn’t had a date in three years. Hmm, wonder why.
There is a sidebar moment with Snooki thinking she is suffering from a heart attack. She’s not.
Pauly is developing a funk with Vinny being away for seven days. He thinks the summer is wasting away. A light bulb comes on over Pauly’s blowout. “Let’s go get Vinny because if he isn’t coming back himself we are going to have to go get him.” Logical.
Pauly and the gang load up to go get his boyfriend and take off for Staten Island because it's GTGVB (Gym Tanning Get Vinny Back).
Like an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter, the roommates storm the Staten Island house. They awkwardly think no one is home, but they break in. Vinny is shocked to see his friends all in the house also like a kid on Christmas. His weird tattoo inscribing “Let Go Let God.” Ronnie has no idea what it means and neither do we.
Another sidebar: Vinny’s mother seems like one of the nicest woman in the world.
The gang is a family again and they are ready to get it in Seaside style. Everything is like peaches and maybe next week the episode will be a little bit like peaches.
Top Quote:
“Just put see the old dude” –Mike
“They might think it’s you” –Jenni would you like some ice for that burn?