'Jersey Shore' Recap: ‘One Man Down’
Doom and gloom surrounds this week’s episode of Jersey Shore as Vinny mopes around and the rest of the gang tries to cheer him up. What’s the deal? He wants to go home. “I’m starting to not think rationally,” Vinny confesses to Ronnie and Pauly. No, Vinny you want to leave Jersey Shore, you’re thinking fine.
On the other side of the shore, the other roomies are out and about. The Situation reconnects with an old fling, Paula. You know, the one who had sex with him in the Jacuzzi and then fell down the stairs.
As the roommates stumble home, catastrophe! The skies open up and the rain starts pouring. “Everyone is running for their lives right now,” Mike says because if not their spray tans may fade! Mayhem! The hamsters scramble home, but Jionni has nothing to wear. Good guy Mike lets him borrow some of his clothes. “Yeah we share girls, why can’t we share underwear, you know what I mean.”
After the changing of robe and even though it’s 4 a.m., the guidos need substance and Mike and Jionni bro together out in the kitchen. However, Snooki Snickers wants smush smush. She also might be a little paranoid about Mike dropping a bomb so she scurries her boyfriend upstairs before his snack is ready. Nice guy Mike takes the sandwich up for Jionni and then professes his greatest weakness, “I’m the master of deception and can act like anybody’s best friend.” You’re hired!
In the morning, Ronnie sneaks into Pauly’s bed because “Pauly likes to come into my room while I’m sleeping and tickles my feet and screams ‘OH YEAH.” So, I wake up and cuddle with him, but I think Vin got a little mad because that’s his bitch.” “What the heck,” is Pauly’s response. Exactly.
JWOW, Sammi and Vinny are going to work, but Vinny still is down in the dumps and doesn’t go. Sammi is really excited about working back at the shore store because it’s “something she loves.” T-shirt making is an art, you know. Vinny arrives and confesses to Danny the T-shirt man that he suffers from anxiety. However, he remains optimistic about getting through his funk.
Back at the shore shack, Jionni doesn’t want Snooki to be drinking, but being drunk is the only way Snooki knows. (Foreshadowing?)
The gang continuously tries to think of ideas to cheer up their dear friend Vinny, and what can bring a smile to a man’s face more than a mani pedi at a local spa. The duo relax while getting their nails done.
But the zen is disrupted when Pauly shocks the system by getting tan on tan on tan and burns his face off. (#paulydproblems). It’s burnt so badly he can’t even move. “I never thought I would tell anyone in the world to stop tanning,” Snooki says. The Mayans were right, the world is ending this year.
Deena has been mysteriously missing this entire episode, but IT’S THE FIRST NIGHT OF KARMA and public kooka number 1 can’t wait. The guidos get done up because you gotta look good the first night of Karma. Team Meatball can’t keep themselves together with all of their excitement, but “I’m actually thinking about not drinking tonight … Just kidding!” Sneaky, sneaky.
At the club, the gang dances their faces off and Deena is Jersey Turnpiking up and down the dance floor. She finds her old friend Damian and the two play tonsil hockey. Snooki’s alter ago, Snooki, comes out to play. She’s drunk, sloppy and her boyfriend takes the place of babysitter. Jionni is getting upset. “It’s not like you’re with your girlfriend, it’s like you’re with your child and you don’t want to go that with your girlfriend.” Ronnie, I’m pretty sure you are the last person on Earth to be trying to offer relationship advice to anyone.
Anxious Vin wanders around the club by himself, but is still trying to make the best of it. Pauly meets a girl and she wants to leave pronto and Mike is busy creeping around the club with little success. Out of the blue, Paula swoops in and saves the guido from having to walk home alone with an odd comparison to Joe Montana (Are you really that old, sir, to be making associations with an NFL player from the 1980s? There is a great possibility the majority of Jersey Shore’s audience had to Google the name.)
Nice guy Pauly D uses the smush room to cater to Vinny’s needs, but the girl won’t leave because she claims she can’t find her shoes and the cab is taking forever. (She can’t find her shoes, but manages to stuff Pauly’s chain down her pants.) In the morning, the gold chain is missing but, the girl shows back up with the chain because “she accidently took it.” It looks like she wants a little more than to just give back Pauly’s chain and to look for her shoes. The most logical dialog for the episode goes to Snooki, “I feel like the girl took the chain so she can come back and see Pauly again and try to smash.” Winner, winner, guido dinner.
Ronnie and Vinny go out to the boardwalk to play games and try to shake him of his anxiety. Vinny goes on mercy street claiming he’s given up drinking and is simply not feeling like himself. He just wants to go home (because he misses his mother) because of his anxiety.
While the rest of the crew suit up for another night out at Karma, Vinny and BFF Pauly D stay back. Before they leave Deena uses enough perfume to give someone an asthma attack just watching. Everyone is excited, but disappointed that two of the roommates are staying back.
Vinny breaks down and calls a cab to take him back to Staten Island. This is the only time in the whole series you see some sort of sincere emotions being displayed. Pauly D seems to be upset by the fact his friend and roommate is leaving. It also looks like at one point he starts to tear up. But being the true friend he is he offers to help Vinny pack up his things, something he claims is the weirdest thing.
Vin leaves saying he needs to recover from being away for so long. (Are you sure it’s not just jet lag, bro?) While everyone else dances their faces off at Karma, they miss Vinny and Pauly. Vinny leaves because Seaside Heights “is a fun place to be if you’re in a good mood” or if you don’t miss your mom.
He leaves, complete with sappy music and grainy footage. Wonder what will happen next week when they return to find him gone. What will happen to the shore family?
Best quotes: “There’s my boyfriend,” Pauly to Vinny, and “Not drinking for the rest of my life…until tonight,” Pauly.