'Mad Men' Recap: Tomorrowland

I never thought I’d write these words about the season four finale of Mad Men, but here it goes: that was the worst episode in series history. Absolute worst. I can’t even wrap my head around how much it sucked. After four magnificent seasons, Mad Men shoved its impeccable track record out the window, delivering an episode that was poorly paced and entirely incomprehensible. Mere minutes before the finale aired, I was wondering how I would live for eight or nine months without my beloved Mad Men. But now? I think we need some time apart.

Things kicked off with Don and Faye. He’s about to leave for California with his kids, and has some ambiguous anxiety. Faye tries to talk him down before the two part ways. He’s also sure to say – really sweetly – “I’m gonna miss you, you know.” (Note from future self: You’re a scumbag, Don.)

Don and Pete’s meeting with the American Cancer Society then goes so well that they get a meeting for another meeting! Rather than ride out that thrilling series of pitches and empty promises, the partners suggest Ken use his soon-to-be father-in-law’s connection to one of the Society board members to get some business. Ken flips out, saying he won’t jeopardize his marriage. He also points out that he’s not Pete, to which Weaselface replies, “No, you’re obviously not” with the scowl and hunched posture of a cartoon villain. This served as a nice reminder that while Pete may inherently suck, he’s always a great unintentional laugh.

Back on the future site of Mommie Dearest, Glen shows up to say goodbye to Sally. Betty’s not home, but even Carla is reluctant to let him see her. She eventually relents, though, telling him to make it quick. Sally and Glen then share an adorable farewell before he heads back out the door. But who should be there but Bitch Supreme, a.k.a. Betty Francis. She predictably screams at him. “Just ‘cause you’re sad doesn’t mean everyone has to be,” Glen says before leaving. (Word, Glen. Word.) Betty then turns her fury on Carla, asking if she’s the kids’ mother. (Alternate universe Carla: “I might as well be, you hoebag.”) She then fires Carla.

Betty calls Don to tell him Carla won’t be going with him to California. Don’s obviously pissed, but vows to find someone to watch the kids. After Megan attempts to find replacements, Don offers to double her salary if she’ll just watch them herself. She agrees. (Don, what what what are you doing?)

Peggy then gets word from Joyce that Topaz – a pantyhose company – fired a model and the entire ad agency on a recent shoot. Peggy and Ken jump on this, swiftly scheduling a meeting with the Topaz execs. Peggy nails the pitch meeting (duh) and later gets confirmation from Ken that they signed the account. Dry spell broken!

In California, Megan is doing a weirdly spectacular job with the kids while Don takes his meetings. Like, singing French lullabies spectacular. Don leaves her with baby Gene one day, though, to take Sally and Bobby to Anna’s house. There, Stephanie gives him Anna’s engagement ring. Seems like an odd present, but Stephanie insists it was Anna’s wish. Later that night, when Megan returns from a nightclub with a college friend, she and Don have sex again. (Don, seriously, look at your choices.)

The California trip wraps up nicely, but Megan and Don’s affair continues in New York. As they lie in bed one morning, Don tells her that he loves her (bullshit) and then asks her to marry him (wait, what?). She’s excitedly accepts Anna’s ring. (No really, what?)

Don gathers Roger, Lane, Pete and Joan to tell them the news later that day. He assures them that it shouldn’t change things, except for him and maybe Joan, but that he and “Miss Calvais” are getting married. “Who the hell is that?” Roger asks, perfectly. Megan is then brought in and the feigned congratulations pour in. (Seriously, is this a dream sequence?)

When Peggy finds out, she can barely mask her “huh, what?” facial expression. In response, Don tells her that Megan has the “same spark” as her and kisses her on the cheek. Peggy is just as weirded out by this as the rest of us, and proceeds to bitch to Joan about how Don’s engagement overshadowed her saving the company. Joan joins in, complaining about her title-only promotion to director of agency operations. Basically, Joan and Peggy are the coolest BFFs.

Don finally calls Faye to break the news, and she’s understandably upset. She smartly calls Don out for only liking the “beginning of things” and hangs up in tears. We have to wonder: did he dump her because he was scared at how real their relationship was, or because she wouldn’t let him just stick her with Sally? Because there’s no way he actually loves Megan, and, what’s more, Faye was perfect for you, Don!

The last two significant things that happen are the revelation of Joan’s pregnancy (she kept it!) and Don breaking the news to Betty, who’s been fighting with Henry and doesn’t handle it well.

Now, it would be unfair to call an episode bad because something happened in it that I didn’t personally like. But that wasn’t the issue with “Tomorrowland.” Here, the things that happened made no sense at all. There is no rhyme or reason to Don’ engagement – it came after maybe two significant scenes with Megan all season and major steps towards becoming a decent, faithful man. It also, as Peggy pointed out, unfairly trumped more pressing issues. Peggy saving the company with one tiny client was way too easy, and weren’t we all expecting some kind of nervous breakdown from Roger? Despite the shocking Don plotline, there was relatively little going on for a finale. This phenomenal season had set us up for something even better than the season three finale – no mean feat – yet instead we got something even season two could beat. "Mad Men", for the first time in our relationship, I’m disappointed in you. Like Faye, we deserve better.