|
| |
Dreams
30-Jun-2008
Written by: Jane Squires
Dreams don’t always happen.
We all have dreams when we are young. We hope to grow up and fulfill them. Now that I have hit empty nest I wish someone would have told me that life didn't always fulfill those dreams. I have struggled to raise two daughters and things beyond my control made it rough at times. Accidents changed my life and now all the dreams I ever wanted to fulfill are out of my reach.
I watch my youngest struggle to finish her B.A. in Science. Will she get her dreams fulfilled? I doubt it. Why? Her boyfriend had a heart attack at 39 and has two young children to raise (by a former wife).
I have watched my oldest chase her dreams and had them crushed over and over and over again. A knee problem brought on after our car wreck in 1997 cost her one job. Back problems sometimes flare up and yet no one found any problems at the time of the accident. She is so excited to have remained at a job 2 years and finally earned a paid vacation.
I dreamed of being a School Secretary, raising foster children, and going to the Mission field. I went to the Mission field for 10 days before I met my husband of 29 years. I did respite care for foster children but my husband did not support my taking in foster children. I never worked as a School Secretary. I instead became a bookkeeper until I met my husband. But that job substained me at home while I raised my two girls.
I've done ambulance laundry from home, typed for others at home, did bookkeeping at home, and anything I could find to do to be there for my girls. Those things I am glad I had.
But now I am 58 years old. I think about becoming a writer but am afraid to take the leap. I am disabled with rheumatoid arthritis, an ankle fusion, and a knee replacement. I had two car wrecks that changed my life forever.
I know I can write or why would I be sitting her writing a column daily. But I cannot bring myself to take the leap to do more. I wanted to write children's books to encourage children as they struggle through life. I have taught children 41 years at church so have plenty of insight.
But instead of trying to fulfill my dream, I sit and encourage other writers as I love their works and they bless me so. It brings me some satisfaction.
I have suffered a lot of hurt this past year and find believing in my own ability to be something hard to do.
Maybe one of these days if it isn't too late I'll embark on the dreams I feel pushing me forward. But I'm afraid to take the leap.
Talk to other readers about this story.
|
|
|
|
|
