Have a Very Merry Bank Holiday

Here we are in the Holiday Season again. It's that time of year when folks here in New York pause at the crosswalks and think about what the Holidays mean to them.

We took TheCelebrityCafe.com's polling team out into the slush-covered streets to ask New Yorkers about the true meaning of the season. In what may be the first* truly scientific** look at what the Big Apple thinks when it thinks of holidays.

Jesus, a snoddler*** by trade, when asked to tell us the first thing that came to mind when he heard "holidays," said, "The Anniversary of the Restoration of Independence in Portugal!"

Our pollsters looked blank for a moment, but after a quick call to the office and some diligent research# by an intern, we found that December 1st was, in fact, a holiday in Jesus' native Portugal.

Over the next several hours standing in the freezing rain and asking questions, (Note to editor: see expense report for one soggy notepad and two shoe-cleaning bills), we realized that they must call it "the holiday season" because there are so many. The (damp and cold) pollsters found that the season encompasses the Prophet Mohammed's Birthday, at least in Fiji; Mother's Day... in Panama; and Victory Day in Egypt. No one seemed to know who was victorious over whom though.

The 23rd is the Emperor's Birthday in Japan, which some of our pollsters## felt was a little thoughtless since the 7th is Pearl Harbor Day. They could have planned a little better.

A shifty looking CEO informed us that the 27th is a Bank Holiday in the Cayman Islands.

When we happened across an actual celebrity, as one does on the streets of New York from time-to-time, a blond-haired former actress from All in the Family let it be known that on the last day of the year, the citizens of Benin celebrate Feed Yourself Day.

The guy behind the counter at the deli on the corner, (Note to editor: see expense report for seven cups coffee; two bagels w/cream cheese; one w/lox; disregard receipt for "jugs" magazine), laughed in a sort of bitter way and told us that the 27th is Constitution Day in North Korea. Then the guy who gave me such a sweet deal on a Rollex informed me that it was a special Our Lady of the Cacupe price, as the holiday happened to be that very day.

Eventually, we discovered other holidays:

12/08 First Day of Hanukkah
12/09 Independence Day in Tanzania
12/10 Human Rights Day
12/10 Thai Constitution Day
12/10 Wyoming Day, (Only in Wyoming, USA; according to a lost tourist in the East Village)
12/10 Foundation of Worker's Party in Angola
12/11 Independence Day in Upper Volta
12/12 Independence Day in Kenya
12/13 Republic Day in Malta
12/15 Statue Day in Antilles, Netherlands
12/16 Constitution Day in Nepal
12/16 Day of the Covenant in South Africa
12/16 National Day in Bahrain
12/16 Victory Day in Bangladesh
12/17 National Day in Bhutan
12/18 Republic Day in Niger


We were excited to find that the 26th is Boxing Day, even though the wild-eyed Asian man who told us didn't seem like a sports fan to us. Mostly, though, they seemed to be independence-related, which struck us as odd, since it's not July. So, the Holidays, to a lot of people, seem to mean "Merry Storming of the Barricades & a Happy Junta!"

Finally, we rounded out the poll by interviewing people, (well, tourists actually), in Times Square. It was then that we began hearing about the holiday which the editors expected us to poll people about, (Note to editor: We still get paid for the other stuff, right?). It was then that our (cold and damp) hearts were warmed by the Christmas Spirit.

"Presents," said Bob, an insurance underwriter from Yazoo City, Miss.### "Gifts," and "turkey," said Alice and Joseph, on vacation from Idaho. But that wasn't all. We also were reminded that the holidays mean golf clubs, jewelry and ponies. Oh, and the Grinch. A substantial statistical minority said that the holidays brought to mind the Dr. Seuss character with the tight shoes and small heart. We actually wanted to write a story about that, but oh, no. The editors had to have it their way... never mind.

In the end, our intrepid pollsters, and you, can be happy to know that the holidays may mean a lot of things to a lot of people. However, as long as you don't come from a small country with a low GNP, you can feel safe in the knowledge that 2,100 years ago, someone had a very bad day to insure that you will have a food processor to unwrap on Christmas morning.

Feliz Navidad!

* Not true
** Also not true
*** A daredevil window-washer and pastry chef
# Three minutes online
## Me
### Really