Douglas, Eric - author of Straight Talk

By: Dominick A. Miserandino

Eric Douglas's book explains some of the basic techniques for effective communication. In our interview he gives us some Straight Talk on how to get along better at work with your boss and co-workers.

DM) What are some of the toughest and most common communication issues you find at work?

ED) I find the toughest and yet most common communication challenge is confronting your boss about some behavior that you don't think is appropriate. I remember working with a woman who needed to tell her boss that his behavior toward her was wrong. I suggested that she view it as "managing her boss", that she give him the feedback he needed to hear if she were his boss. She said, "But I might get fired." I said, "You know that you deserve better. And believe me, he won't fire you if you do what I tell you." So she said okay. I told her to express her thoughts and feelings in the form of a dilemma. Say to him, "I have a dilemma. I don't want to offend you or get myself fired, but I need to tell you something for your own good." And then describe the behavior, how it makes you feel, and how you'd like his behavior to change. She did it, and the boss began treating her with respect afterwards. Why does this work? Because most people appreciate honesty. And stating it as a dilemma inoculates people against reacting defensively. It shows them that you care.

DM) Are you saying that people should not have that fear of confronting their boss?

ED) Some people are going to feel afraid about confronting their boss. But look at it in different terms, not as confrontation, but as collaboration. Most managers value constructive criticism. They appreciate and respect someone who will help them improve. The key to constructive criticism is to be descriptive - i.e., describe the actual ways the behavior affects you - and to be empathetic ­ for instance, say, "I know you have a tough job and are doing the best you can." Using that approach, you're likely to get a positive reaction from most people.

DM) Somebody once said that "good communication can solve any problem." Do you agree with this?

ED) I think that good communication can solve a lot of problems and improve many a situation. I've worked in seemingly impossible situations and seen people change dramatically, all because they started communicating in better ways. I take pride in the way our firm communicates about tough problems, and everybody buys into the solution we come up with, because everyone knows they were heard and respected. But can good communication solve any problem? No, it can't stop some people from seeing the world in twisted ways. It can't stop some people from hurting themselves.

DM) Are there people you feel that you just "can't reason with"?

ED) Sure. But fortunately they are few and far between.

DM) What are some of the basic techniques of communicating effectively with people that you need to work with but don't particularly like as people?

ED) That's a good question. One of my favorite examples is a guy I used to work with who had a strong opinion about everything. Baseball, the weather, the stock market, politics--he had an opinion on it all--and he stated it very forcefully. I didn't like his style - it was very different from mine - but I learned to get along with him because I realized that he was fundamentally very insecure. So the way for me to get along with him was to tell stories about myself that showed my own mistakes, my fallibility. That helped him to get past his insecurity and involve me in more honest and open communication. The bottom line is that everyone has "hot buttons." You have yours, too. Understanding your hot buttons, and understanding other people's makes you better able to put relationships into perspective.

DM) Should people try to learn their own "hot buttons" and strive to eliminate them?

ED) Sure, I think everyone owes it to himself to know what triggers his feelings of anger or rejection or pain. I know, for example, that highly assertive people trigger reminders of my father, which in turn trigger feelings of inadequacy. So I have to be mindful of that hot button. Should we strive to eliminate them? By all means, but it's a task that in my experience can only be accomplished through therapy. I long ago gave up on eliminating my hot button and now am simply content to acknowledge it, laugh at it (the best I can), and move on.

DM) What kind of people do you have difficulty working with?

ED) I'm naturally a person who likes to get things done, to be decisive, and to act. So I get impatient sometimes when I'm working with a large group because of the time that it takes for everyone's voice to be heard and for everyone's opinion to be aired. Yet I know that process is vital if they're going to buy into the ultimate decision.

DM) Do you consider yourself more of a loner?

ED) Not really. I see myself as a "servant leader", to use Robert Greenleaf's term. I try to be aware of what people need from me, and then respond creatively &SHY, not always with what they expect. For example, I suggested last weekend to my wife that we go spend a week in Montana. She was surprised and a little hesitant. But I know that's what she wants from me ­ a sense of adventure.

DM) How did you start to understand what type of leader you are?

ED) Having worked in large corporations and small, I found myself more successful in the smaller environments. As I developed Straight Talk, it became clear that I had what I call the "innovating" style of leadership. That led me to focus my career in leading entrepreneurial ventures. So a combination of experience and learning led me to understand that I am happiest leading small, entrepreneurial companies. By the way, Straight Talk reveals four different types of leadership styles: Innovating, Commanding, Deliberating, and Caring.

DM) Is success in business based more on the results of what you do, or on what you communicate that you've done?

ED) Oh, it's a combination of both. To be successful, you have to be able to achieve results. But you also have to be able to communicate what you've achieved. The most successful people don't rain glory on themselves, but rather on the people who helped them achieve success. So I don't mean self-aggrandizing communication - the "look what I did for you" types of things - but communication that stresses: Look what we achieved together.

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