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Constantine

Remember back in the 80s when there was the “Valley Girl” craze? If you do, you’ll remember the ever so popular statement: “Like gag me with a spoon.” Well, with this movie you could “Like gag me with a demon”, or an angel if you prefer. Why the harshness? Because I let the trailer sucker me into seeing this movie (I should know better by now). It literally came screaming out of my television, grabbed me by the throat, and dragged me to the theater thinking all the way “Wow, this is cool.” But, alas, it wasn’t meant to be. All I got was an amalgamation of action, fantasy, horror, and drama that only sporadically showed promise, at least visually, while the story and plot left something to be desired.

Based on the DC/Vertigo comic book Hellblazer, “Constantine” is the story of the marginally interesting super natural detective John Constantine (Keanu Reeves), a tormented man left on earth for trying to commit suicide. He eventually hooks up with police officer Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) to solve the mysterious suicide of her twin sister Isabela (also played by Weisz). There were a lot of things that should have been exciting. Like exorcisms, trips through hell, dealing angel Gabriel (Tilda Swinton), the casting of hybrid half demons back into the fiery pits of hell, and a visit from the rebel angel himself – Satan (Peter Stormare), who looked like a degenerate gambler from Vegas with his white pimp suit. All of this should have tickled my wretched, horror-bound, action/adventure loving heart, but it barely registered a flicker on my radar.

That’s not to say there wasn’t some good in this film. Rachel Weisz’s dark portrayal of Angela transcended the script and Djimon Hounsou gave a lively performance as the former witch doctor Midnite. Even Gavin Rossdale (Balthazar) from the rock band “Bush” was serviceable in his role.

Overall, “Constantine” lumbers to the finish line as a disappointment. The somewhat visually stunning parts might grab fans of the comic book, but for most I’d say wait until this hits Blockbuster, or even better yet, rent “The Prophecy” and watch Christopher Walken display his talent as the archangel Gabriel.

Written by: Bobby Blades

Reviewers Rating: 5
Reader's Rating: 6.33
Reader's Votes: 3

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