'Gossip Girl' Recap: 'Crazy Cupid Love'

This week’s Gossip Girl episode combines Valentine’s Day with a blast from the past—with a little bit of the usual scandal thrown in.

Blair returns from her honeymoon, and while Louis is not with her, she is still not alone. The Grimaldi’s have forced upon Blair a “royal minder,” Esty, to make sure that the new princess does not misbehave in the absence of her husband. Esty seems nice enough, but the fact that she pulls nightly bed-checks is a little creepy, as Blair points out.

Chuck and Serena commiserate about how much they hate Valentine’s Day now that they both want someone they can’t have. Serena is still struggling with her feelings for Dan, and tells Blair that her last great Valentine’s Day date was with Dan while they were in high school. Coincidentally, Dan arrives at Blair’s apartment to drop off some movies just as Serena is leaving, and while he really hopes that he can stay and watch movies with Blair (she already had plans), he tells her that his last great Valentine’s Day was also in high school with Serena. Blair reverts back to her old scheming ways and decides that her Valentine’s Day plans now include getting Dan and Serena back together.

Meanwhile, Nate is still chasing after cater-waitress Lola, who we know is the real Charlotte Rhodes. He calls Lola to ask her out, and she tells him how lame it is to go on a first date on Valentine’s Day, and that she has to work because V-day is one of the busiest catering days of the year.

Georgina is still trying to control the Upper East Side through her newly-acquired post as Gossip Girl, but she is having a hard time finding something to write about. To compensate, she hires minions to find stories for her, one of whom is Nate’s secretary at The Spectator. When Georgina learns that Nate can’t get a cater-waitress to go out with him, she hatches a plan. As Gossip Girl, she puts out a blast about a high school themed party at The Spectator, which Nate knows nothing about. But, at the secretary’s nudging, he realizes that he can use the party to hire, and thereby get closer to, Lola, and agrees to host it. Georgina’s real target, however, is Blair.

Serena and Dan end up at the same restaurant for separate meetings, and are unaware that Blair has called both of their friends to reschedule so that they will have no choice but to sit together. She also sends them complimentary desert, champagne, and even goes so far as to hire a charming older couple to tell Dan and Serena how cute they are together. Dan and Serena are used to Blair’s tricks, though, and they realize that she must be behind their forced date.

Ivy, a.k.a Charlie, returns to explain to Lily why she left so abruptly, but is forced to wait at the van der Woodsen’s apartment until Lily returns from a meeting in Washington D.C. While she waits, Georgina arrives after receiving a tip from the doorman and presses Charlie for gossip. Charlie tells her that she’s only just arrived and the only gossip she knows is that Blair remained with Louis after the disastrous wedding because of an iron-clad pre-nup.

When Nate learns that Lola requested not to be sent to work at any Spectator parties, Chuck volunteers to host the party at the Empire so she won’t know Nate is the host. Blair learns the party has been moved to Chuck’s apartment and plans to skip the bash. However, Gossip Girl blackmails Dan into bringing Blair by threatening to tell everyone that he is the one that sent the video of Blair’s admission of love to Chuck at the wedding. He tells Blair that Chuck won’t be at the party, and so she decides to stop by so she can force Serena and Dan together.

Everyone arrives at Chuck’s apartment decked out in their old high school uniforms and it seems to be a crazy party. Dan runs into the fake Charlie in the lobby (she was there looking for Lily) and drags her up to the party where the real Charlotte Rhodes is working as a waitress. Lola recognizes Charlie because they had been in an acting class together, and after Charlie leaves Nate explains that her fake story to Lola. Lola of course realizes that she was being impersonated and decides to find out what’s been going on.

Dan walks away from Serena at the party, causing Blair to confront him about his supposed feelings for Serena. But Dan had only been pretending to still having feelings for Serena to get Blair to the party in the first place. While they are talking, Dan gets a text from Gossip Girl telling him to kiss Blair, and Dan follows the sound of the answering text tone into the next room, where he finds Georgina. She admits she’s been working for Gossip Girl (but not that she is Gossip Girl) and leaves the room once Blair walks in. Blair tells Dan that he wants him to be happy and asks how she can help him find happiness. He kisses her, and after some hesitation, she kisses back. Georgina throws open the door and snaps a picture, and Serena sees her best friend kissing the guy she loves.

In the end, Georgina shows Chuck the picture of Dan and Blair kissing, and he decides to sleep with Dan’s very drunk book agent so he can try and sabotage Dan’s next work. Lola blows Nate off once again, and we see her friend requesting Charlie so she can get to the bottom of the situation. Blair tells Dan that even though the kiss obviously meant something, they can’t pursue it because of her royal minder and the effect it will have on Serena. And it becomes clear that Etsy is really in love with Louis, meaning we can expect some kind of back-stabbing scandal from her in the future.