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Cove Haven - Part 2
Written by: Dominick A. Miserandino
Photography by: Margherita Miserandino
Cove Haven is a world famous resort for lovers and honeymooners. In our review we investigate what is the story behind the romance.
Saturday Morning
We filled out our breakfast in bed order form Friday night and it arrived right on time at 9 o'clock. We did have the option to go to the buffet breakfast afterwards but admittedly I've always been the "one breakfast a day" type of man and felt multiple forms of the same meal simply causes ones stomach to require pumping... unless it's dessert, then I'll have multiple forms of the meal.
After breakfast, we signed up for the horse carriage rides and went to the gift shop to wait for the carriage. At 11:00 AM, we ran in front of the café to meet the carriage. Even though we signed up only 30 minutes earlier, it was canceled for the morning and moved to that night. We were a bit disappointed but it is really hard to have a bad attitude there. Every turn everybody's smiling at you even when they're telling you bad news. "I'm sorry, the carriage ride has been moved..." At first, you feel angry but everybody's just too happy to get angry with them. Again, I attribute this to the complete erogenous zone covering the entire premises and the mood it creates.
Since we were in a good mood, we went right into the café building where there were games in the basement. The first thing we did was some indoor archery. Since I had some experience doing this, I felt a bit more secure in teaching Margherita how to do this. My favorite part of this though was the idea that you could play as long as you wanted for free. To test the theory, I wanted to just keep shooting all day but eventually my arms started hurting and we decided to move on.
Next, up was the arcade where we did some car racing and air hockey. I need to digress again in my description of the air hockey, as it was then that I learned that women can be just as competitive as men. My wife was very proud of the fact that she was good at the game and proceeded to start dancing around the table every time she scored a point. She told every story of her youth and any successes she had in playing air hockey. It was getting to the point that her stories of her air hockey victories even surpassed the odysseys written by Homer eons ago. It didn't make the game as fun to have her gloat to that degree. I reminded her that I beat her in archery and all egos were then put in check.
Saturday Afternoon
We walked along the road to the pool and spa for no other reason but to check them out and then we walked up the road to the sports complex. To go from building to building you can either walk or call their shuttle bus service called, "The Chariot". Just dial 0 and they'll send the Chariot over to pick you up. I'm not one for waiting though and didn't think it was that cold (I was wrong) so I convinced her to walk. When Margherita brought up the idea that it was very cold and her limbs were freezing I tried to explain to her that we weren't truly Romans and it wouldn't feel natural. I didn't want to lose out twice.
When we got to the Sports Complex we first played Ping Pong and then upon spying the Skee Ball, Margherita got her competitive bug back and wanted to play to, "Win tickets". What these tickets gained us was pretty irrelevant at this point as she was just interested in winning them. Two games later, she was explaining that she won nine tickets, which apparently was very good. Compared to what or why she won them seemed to be irrelevant to her, just the fact that she won. When she learned that these tickets could win a teddy bear now she felt even more motivated.
"Honey, we have 64 tickets and need only 80 to get a bear."
"Do you want the bear?"
"I don't know it's only 16 away".
Fortunately I saved the bank by throwing the Skee Ball into the 100 point circle 4 out of 9 times which is apparently hard to do and I won 21 tickets in that one round. After this victory, Margherita seemed disappointed until she learned that the cute Reindeer was 180 tickets.
This cycle would have continued endlessly we either were broke or had all of the king's stuffed horses and his men. Thee girls behind the counter pointed her in the direction of this other machine which apparently had better odds at getting tickets. It was one of those drop cranes where you won little stuffed animals that each counted for 10 tickets. On a renewed crusade, she rushed over and explained the fact that if we threw in seven or eight dollars we could win a four-dollar dog. I wasn't going to fall for this and put my foot down.
Fifteen minutes later we were out a small fortune and walked away with enough stuffed puppies to form a small stuffed animal pound. We passed the ice-skating and felt inclined at this point to go ice skating as, well; it is all free, why not.
I noticed that the more something is free, the more you feel like you have to do it even if you had no original interest. It wasn't until we were in the middle of the ice rink holding onto the bar for dear life that we realized we didn't want to do this but since it was free, we had to. I guess it's just like when you're in a buffet you feel you need to eat a little bit of everything.
After we figured out how to drag ourselves along the side of the rink to the exit, we called the Chariot this time, which took us to the Nightclub for the Caesars XXX Newlywed game.
Caesars Newlywed game stands for itself. It's debauchery at its best and certainly not for anybody faint of heart. Just like the television show, the host asks the females questions about their mate (while their husband wasn't in the room) and if they both answered the same way, they earned points. Then they switch and the females are out of the room. Usually the questions involve their favorite food and innocent things like that. This was Caesars XXX Newlywed game and the difference was pretty clear from the beginning. The questions got to the point where we learned the size (or lack thereof) of everybody's anatomy and everything else in between. It was one of the funniest parts of the weekend especially when one man proclaimed his girth and his wife's guestimate was almost double... anyway I digress.
After the Newlywed game we came back to the room, lit a fire and, errr ummm... watched a movie. It was funny in that every time you walked back to the room you only saw couples walking around holding hands, kissing and running to their rooms. No children, nobody single, just couples and newlyweds acting in love.
Saturday Dinner
I admit I felt a bit intimidated by dinner as they seated you with three other couples you didn't know at all. I was constantly worried that it would be a version of Sartre's "No Exit" where the worst group of people is put together and each becomes the other's personal version of hell. I envisioned being stuck at a table with Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. Of course I would have been entertained by Dr. Evil, I was still worried about being trapped at the table.
I'm not going to lie; the first few moments were pretty awkward. A lot of talk about standard subjects, which always seem to happen at cocktail parties. "Yes, the economy is bad... gas prices were once cheaper... my, this is an interesting restaurant..." "Is your steak good? (Mine was very good), oh, good, so was mine, and the desserts are excellent..." Well, you get the idea. Now while the food quality was excellent and comparable to any high-end restaurant I've ever gone to, this social dilemma was killing me.
I was at the point where I was about to scream you are all evil and run when a magician came by to perform tricks. While Baronio was a good magician who did this amazing trick of getting a woman's ring onto a string and made his business cards appear out of thin air his real magic was in breaking the ice. After he did his thing, everybody livened up. Four couples from very different worlds actually got a long. We laughed, we joked, and we listened to the strolling musicians and talked.
In my eyes, this was one of the smartest things the resort did. If people felt the least bit socially awkward, which we obviously did, the magician and strolling minstrels certainly broke the ice. Soon the conversation moved to the fact that this one couple was coming to Cove Haven for 10 years and in fact had children our age. Then the conversation switched to how my parents came to Cove haven and the imagery of my parents at a resort for lovers caused me to feel dizzy.
I was saved from the conversation by the clock as we ran out at 8:00 for the horse carriage ride, which was moved from that morning. Cold, heated blanket... overall a bit romantic in spite of the cold.
From the carriage ride we went to the Parrot Lounge, (Yes, Virginia the lounge does have a parrot), where Honest Phil the social director was spreading his brand of comedy. At times, he was pretty funny, at other times he reminded be of my Uncle Bud who always grabs you're nose and says, "Got your nose." At times laughing at the comparison was funny in itself as he reminded everyone of their own bitter, insane uncle whose jokes usually embarrass you.
We went back to the room to jump in the Jacuzzi and try the bubble bath. This is when we learned that when the bubble bath suggests only a few tablespoons they really mean it. It turned out to change the bathroom into more of a winter wonderland of soapsuds then anything romantic. We put the Bose Radio in the room to the jazz station and went to sleep... while the soapsuds that encompassed the entire bathroom finally died down.
Read part 1 | Read part 3
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