Written by: Dominick A. Miserandino Photography by: Margherita Miserandino
Guns, Chocolate and American History
There is an old joke that my friend Angela, loves to forward via email. She’s the type of person who forwards such things if she is too busy to say hello since she’s always studying or working. Anyway, the joke involves the solutions to dealing with one’s wife when they’re not feeling well. The wrong method is to ask your wife what the hell is wrong. The good solution is something along the lines of "telling her she’s pretty." The best solution involves giving her chocolate. No matter what the situation in each of the jokes, chocolate seems to be the solution. How to deal with coming home late, "give her chocolate." How to deal with budget problems, let her go shopping for chocolate. This solution would have worked rather well in Fairfax, if not for the area's proximity to the NRA and guns. While it’s a smart idea to give your wife chocolate as often as possible, it’s not as smart to give her a gun immediately after a sugar high.
We headed to Fairfax for the Chocolate Lovers Festival and also just for an overall weekend getaway. I had hoped that the relaxation of a getaway weekend, mixed with chocolate would help any marriage.
After flying down, the next morning started off with a slight bang. I had talked about how beautiful this Chocolate Festival was going to be, but for some reason it was my fault that we woke up to see an ice storm outside of my window. Yes, an ice storm. Not just a cold and watery type of rain, but the type of rain that is freezing and when it hits your skin makes you all sorts of miserable. I heard variants of this description rather often from Margherita. To calm her down, I just reminded her that we had a job to do and tomorrow is the big Chocolate Lover's Festival. Chocolate would save her.
Since we were there the day before the festival, it seemed the right thing to do to see Fairfax itself. I explained to Margherita that "neither rain, nor sleep or dark of night" was the motto of the staff at TheCelebrityCafe.com and she didn’t find the joke humorous, but then again, the joke really was terrible. Its’ suckiness merely distracted her.
The Visitors Center is located in an original historic schoolhouse and covers the history of the area. We learned that what is most interesting about Fairfax County is that it’s basically on the edge of Washington, D.C. Some people like the area for the fact that it’s really commutable to downtown, but I was struck by the history of the area. During the Civil War, this was the border protecting the capital. The schoolhouse reflects that history.
From there, one of the big things to see is the County Courthouse. Margherita asked how exciting could a courthouse be in the middle of an ice storm. I really didn’t know the answer either, but everybody seemed to talk about the place. Then again, I’ve succumbed to that conversational pressure about how wonderful it was, so I’ve really just propagated the never-ending cycle.
Fairfax County Courthouse
It was time to have fun while improvising.
"We’re at the courthouse because of romance, my love. Romance!" I said this as I was waving my hands in the gesture of a heart while the ice storms soaked us quite unromantically.
She actually seemed curious and asked why this was romantic. That wasn’t according to plan. Couldn’t she tell that I was improvising?
"Errr, ummm. Of course," I said while reading a sign rather quickly. "Look here," I said while pointing quite enthusiastically at the sign, as if I knew it was here all along. "The most romantic Presidential couple in the United States came here to file their paperwork. Yes, George Washington and Martha came here and, as romantically as ever, they filed their..." still reading" wills. Okay, that’s not the point... the point is that..."
She cut me off and guided me into the building, which is quite original and historic looking. It was refurbished quite a bit since the Civil War did a number on it, but the historic look was actually more interesting than my "will story" although the will part is true. Inside looked all, well, constitutional, kind of like where they signed the Declaration of Independence. Plus it kept us out of that nasty rain.
From there, it was across the street, through the ice storm to the Ratcliffe House. It’s all original and reflects the only surviving structure from the original 18 plots of land that helped make up this downtown area.
"What’s romantic here?" Maybe she was now toying with my improvisational emotions.
"They saved the building with passion," I declared.
"What passion?"
"Well, they were going to put a bus stop here and it was just not as romantic as the house." Touché!
As a side note, Civil War history is usually not very romantic. There is only one known romantic bit, which I'll get to later. Just look for my mention of Antonia to hear the only romantic Civil War story in the world. Not that I was in a romantic mood in the least, but I wanted to do something to distract us from the ice storm all around. Take the next stop, the Blenheim House. It’s an old house, which back in the Civil War was used by soldiers as a rest over. In the attic though, the Civil War soldiers left graffiti, which is one of the largest collections of graffiti in one room. While I found this an exciting piece of history, Margherita prided herself on the fact that she got some really great shots of the trees covered with ice. They were rather beautiful, but not as historic.
We grabbed a quick bite to eat and then it was off to that mistaken gun portion. The NRA is located right in Fairfax County and whether or not you like them, politically, they have what is probably the most amazing and well done museums that we’ve seen.
Why is it amazing? I’ll be honest, there are thousands upon thousands of guns here so one would be predisposed to think it repetitive and boring. I am blessed with, what some call ADD, but I just look at it as an overwhelming need to be entertained quite frequently and without repetition. To me, as a rule of thumb, a few thousand of essentially the same objects is, well... boring. But, no! Not here. They take you through the history of guns and each gun has its story. Here’s one of the guns used on the Plymouth. Here’s a gun originally used in the Olympics that was sent from the U.S. to Britain to fight against the Germans... and it successfully made it’s way back after the war. Each gun is labeled individually and computers, placed around the museum, let you look up any of the few thousand guns and get its’ entire history. Even with my slight ADD tendencies, I still wasn’t bored. Plus, the museum is free, which really made my budget quite happy. Then, again, Margherita had to buy another Christmas ornament so now we have a gun hanging on the Christmas tree.
"Can we get a real gun?" Margherita asked.
"No my love. I’ve seen you in your worst of moods and a gun wouldn’t lend itself to a happy marriage."
I mentioned the American History portion and here it begins... Clara Barton worked here. [Margherita’s note: Dominick, that transition is terrible. Aren’t you making a bit of a leap here?] Please ignore my wife’s discouragement. Anyway, Clara Barton founded the American Red Cross right here at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Fairfax County. It was dedicated by the bishop in 1860 where I’m sure they assumed it would be a pleasant little church. They didn’t expect the Civil War around the corner and boom, Clara gets into action. Okay, that doesn’t sound right, but that’s when Clara started her mission.
"It’s really cold and I’m tired." Margherita reminded me about the ice storm. Apparently even though she had a beautiful set of pictures of ice on trees and a great Christmas ornament of a gun from the NRA, she still wasn’t happy. Some people are never satisfied.
I had convinced her to cross the street and go down the block to Fairfax Station so we could see the Civil War History right there. There, a local guide seemed quite interested in telling us the history of the area in such detail that we’d really have to either love Fairfax to want to know so much or hate ourselves to want to know about things in such detail. He had maps and graphs of every Civil War soldier who walked through the area. He had analysis, graphs and play-by-play action.
While we learned how this railroad stop was vital during the war, Margherita bought a stupid train hat and made me feel guilty about the storm and the in-depth lecture. I mean, when in the world is she really going to wear a conductor’s hat? I would not have normally considered buying her a hat, but she wasn’t complaining about the ice storm or the lecture, so the cost seemed justified.
Antonia Ford
"Why are we here?" Margherita asked, just as you, the reader, I’m sure is asking by now. I mean, honestly it’s been two pages and while Fairfax is a rather exciting place, how does it all tie together. Yes, besides the fact that it was raining. Honestly, how do the guns, chocolate and the Civil War connect?
Well, hold onto your conductor's hat because it ties in with one woman.
Antonia Ford! (Remember that I mentioned a romantic bit was coming up?)
"Antonia Ford is the reason I’m standing in an ice storm looking for chocolate?" Margherita asked, just as you, the reader, I’m sure is asking.
"Yes, my love, Antonia Ford, the infamous Confederate Spy."
She gave me that look, which probably is the same as your look right now.
Antonia Ford was a Confederate spy. Why was she a spy? Well, she lived right here in Fairfax where the North and the South met. She loved the Confederacy and if you were a Northern soldier walking south or a Southern going north you basically passed her neighborhood. A little bit of eavesdropping, and there you have a spy.
[Margherita’s note: Dominick, this doesn’t really have much to do with chocolate and you’re going to lose the reader’s attention]
St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Fairfax County
Ahhh my love, my precious, my little buttercup. Chocolate is romantic and we haven’t gotten to the romantic part. There we were, standing in the Fairfax Art Center, when a re-enactor walked in. Well, actually a re-enactress, but anyway, there was a woman pretending to be Antonia Ford. Antonia was captured as a spy and one of the Union Soldiers who delivered her to prison, Major Joseph Willard, fell in love with her while she was incarcerated. The letters are sweet and romantic and, hence, the populous of the town started a Chocolate Festival in her honor. [Margherita’s note: I don’t think this is why they started the festival.] Again, please ignore my wife. The Antonia Ford story is both true and romantic and even though the real reason for the chocolate festival might have been political or something, my reason seems to sound much better.
