All I wish is to be back in Michigan again. It’s not my biggest wish actually, but it seemed to be a great intro quote. I had hoped that you would like the rhyme scheme.
We left early to head out to Opal Beach, which was supposedly, rated one of the Top 10 beaches in the country. Right here in Michigan. There was a feeling of anticipation and dread. I mean, this lake had to be great or they wouldn’t name it that way. They would just call it, "The Rather Big Lakes" or the "Lakes of Enormous Size", but not great. Then again, how great could it be that would cause us to say it’s great. For great I was hoping to see mermaids and things. Maybe I was setting my sights too high. Maybe I was dooming myself to disappointment. Maybe I should have expected just a really nice lake.
By the time these thoughts finished we had reached that point where the Great Lake was on the horizon. I strained my eyes and I really couldn’t see the other side. Yes, there was sand, there were some shells and even a dead fish here and there. This was just like Brighton Beach. I jumped for joy, and then the reality hit that I was jumping for joy over the fact that a lake seemed like an ocean.
The thrill was gone and it was time to move on.
It took an hour to get here from Grand Rapids and it was already time for lunch, so we went to Crane’s Pie Pantry Restaurant. Believe it or not, but they serve pies here. Lots of pies. But, the best thing I can say about Crane’s is it’s good food at ridiculously good prices. And I mean ridiculously good. You’ll actually laugh out loud and say, "These prices can’t be right, it's ridiculous." I mean, unlimited apple cider for 75 cents. Did you say, "Unlimited?" Lunch for the two of us cost about 10 bucks including dessert. I even got to test their cider limits and hit three glasses before my bladder explained that unlimited never means unlimited. All the fruit is from their orchards, or locally grown, and people order their pies from all over.
Then we went to a winery. No, I will not tell you the name. I will describe it, but saying the name will simply be a mean thing to do. I’m not sure if I have the courage of my convictions to actually name the winery and you will see my hesitation in doing so.
We pulled up to the Winery that Shall Remain Nameless, and smelled horse manure. I was thinking grapes. I was thinking lovely, grapey smells and the feeling of Tuscany or Napa, but instead the smells were of post-horse processing of the grapes, if you know what I mean.
We went into the winery and there was quite a crowd. That’s always a good sign. In fact, speaking of signs, there was one saying, "Open House - Bratwurst and Mexican Food". I’m not a wine connoisseur by any means, but I’m not sure if I would consider Bratwurst or Mexican food a good culinary match for wine. It struck me as odd. I should have taken the warning.
Then we went to taste the wine. I am a fan of wine and would never say a disparaging comment unless it was a really funny story. All wine is good, or at least they intended for it to be good. Or at least they’re good after you drink a few glasses.
We all went to taste the wines, and out of six people, not one person would buy the wine. It was reasonably priced, with most of them to be found under $10.
I asked Bob in my group, "If they offered you the wine for half price, would you buy it?"
"No"
"Two thirds off?" I asked.
"No" he promptly responded.
"Free?" I asked.
He paused and thought, "I’d take it to be nice"
I laughed, patted him on the back and said, "What if they forced you to drink it over dinner?"
"There are too many good wines to subject yourself to something like this."
But wait, something odd happened. When I had once thought that Bob knew all there was to know about the world, we mixed two of the bad wines together. Lo and behold, a good wine appeared. Yes, mix wine number 12 and number 18 on their list, swish it around, and a reasonably decent wine is created out of nowhere.
We left the winery and held our noses as we passed the horses.
It was an hour and something minute ride back towards home and we were at Mejier Gardens. This was the highlight of our trip. Mr. Frederik Meijer liked gardens and created a massive building to house his plants. I really mean massive. Just like the great lakes were not false advertising, a massive building is not false advertising for this. They have carnivorous plants, desert plants, tropical garden plants. Each room was large and contained a small, self-contained world of plants.
Outside, they have a park with sculptures. A few dozen sculptures, ranging from a few feet high, to a few stories. If you’ve noticed, I’ve breezed quickly through my description to get to this part. The tour didn’t do so. They told the story of every sculpture in grave detail, but I was waiting for one thing. They have Da Vinci’s horse. Yes, good old Leonardo’s horse statue.
Leonardo Da Vinci made a horse,
E I E I O.
And then his horse mold was destroyed by the French,
E I E I O.
With an arrow over here and a smashed clay mold over there.
Here’s a horse part, there’s a horse part everywhere is a horse part.
E I E I O.
The people at Meijer Gardens heard the song and were heart broken. (Actually I made up the song, but since nobody liked it on the tour, I figured I’d try again) Da Vinci made the mold of the horse, he had the sketches but never finished the horse. They finished it here. It’s massive, it’s beautiful, and it’s perfect. And it’s in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
The day was getting on and people were starting to look at me funny for staring at a three-story horse and drooling. Margherita was getting a bit nervous about our marriage and my faithfulness as I played with the horse. It was time to move on.
After my poor rendition of Old MacDonald, where can I go? Take me out to the ballgame? Dare I do it? Nay, I’ll save you the trouble. Yes, you can see, major league baseball, but any avid reader of my series of travel stories will know that minor league baseball is the way to go. They have gimmicky things every inning, the fans love it, and it’s ridiculously affordable.
We sat in the stadium eating nachos, cheering for a woman crawling on all fours trying to win a car. Then some kid caught a t-shirt blasted out of a cannon, which nearly knocked his head off. Margherita said I should be following the game, which I thought I was until I learned that there were baseball players there besides all of this activity. All of this other activity was enough to keep my A.D.D. side from keeping up to speed.
We hit the hotel, packed and the next morning woke up to head home.
But how was Michigan? It was honestly, one of the most family friendly, destinations that I’ve seen. I would certainly fly over for the weekend and hit the beach. Everything was reasonably priced and everyone was excessively friendly. You can’t just fake that. I mean, you can if you pay people enough, but you can’t fake that naturally. Grand Rapids was a cute little hub, but it all goes along with your tastes. If you’re going to see a sports event and a show, stay by Grand Rapids. If you’re going to go to the beach, head further west to the beach. Overall, I’m shocked that the only time I’ve heard of the Great Lakes region was from the old radio shows, but this is a cute, lost little treasure, which is a much more affordable vacation than other destinations will allow. I thought it was a good time, or as Tracey from the group said, "Michigan is a lot of fun... I’m just saying is all." Tracey’s quotes weren’t always grammatically correct.
