Written by: Dominick A. Miserandino Photography by: Margherita Miserandino
A trip to Vegas turns out to be a battle between a man, his mother-in-law and his gambling addict of a grandmother.
"Do I need to bring a passport to go to Vegas?"
My mother-in-law, whom I've dubbed La Madre, has only flown to immigrate from, or return to Sicily. It’s an unknown concept for her to fly within a country. I mean, in Italy, she has told stories of riding around on mules or something like that, but in America, to fly for five hours, surely you needed a "passaporta."
Little did she know how different a world it is in Las Vegas.
My Grandma, on the other hand, was a bit traumatized that we were seeing so many shows. Too many shows would surely cut into her available gambling time. Although her annual income is less than what homeless people make in a good week, she would sacrifice food, water, and shelter for the opportunity to lose $20 in six minutes on the slots of Las Vegas.
Third in the group was my loving, sweet wife, Margherita, who although she’s traveled with me on a monthly basis for years, still managed to forget something at home. She had suddenly remembered what she had forgotten as we were taking off.
Then, there was me, alone, with these three women. I was embarking on an adventure, enough to kill a man or at least turn him into a priest. My friend, Father Larry, said he kisses his collar goodnight and now I know why.
I strategically sat the three of them across from me on the plane so that they could complain to each other. This would certainly alleviate any ensuing headache.
Maybe the headache was induced by the stress of almost being stopped by security because my mother-in-law forgot that she had a knife in her bag. Not a little pocket knife even, but the kind of knife that even terrorists would be nervous to bring on the plane.
"But I need to cut my orange," she said, in broken English.
"Your orange?" I said aloud. While looking all the more perplexed although the question was quite simple.
She proudly produced a bag with oranges for the flight. In case we were forced to live on only airplane snacks for the day, we had enough citrus to keep us alive for quite some time. Fortunately, JetBlue has DirectTV to distract her.
After landing, we went straight to the Luxor hotel. It’s a pretty imposing site to pull up to, as it’s simply so massive and incredibly large in scale. We pulled up to the front door and saw Egyptian statues, which are essentially larger than life. The inside of the hotel resembles the size of a life-size pyramid and it is completely filled with Egyptian décor.
We had adjoining rooms: Grandma and La Madre in one, and Margherita and myself in the other. It’s strange, but in situations like this, the external stimuli of others nagging makes my wife appear almost peaceful to me.
There are two big advantages to the Luxor. The first is that it’s connected to the Excalibur, or the other way towards the Mandalay Bay. Without going outdoors, there is everything you need.
The second major advantage is that staying in a nice hotel like the Luxor; you have no need to hear La Madre complain. I don’t have to hear that "it’s-a dirty," "it’s-a old-a," or "this looks-a just like a run down building in Palermo." No nagging, no worries. No problem.
Anyway, we walked through the Excalibur and started journeying up the strip. We had tickets to see Celine Dion that night, or at least Margherita and I had tickets. For Grandma and La Madre, we ordered tickets to see Legends in Concert. Since one show was across the street from the other, it worked out pretty well.
We went to the Imperial Buffet at the Imperial Palace, of course, which impressed La Madre because of its unlimited Champagne "on tap." On the other hand, Grandma was getting uneasy, as she really needed to gamble. She was in obvious withdrawal.
Anxious to enjoy a nag-free night with my wife, we left them at the show and ran across the street to see Celine at the Coliseum at Caesars.
The Celine show (A New Day) starts before the curtain even metaphorically rises. In the lobby, nearly everybody is dressed to the nines and drinking champagne and wine. When you walk into the theater, you expect to see the curtain, but it’s actually a mirror that is "reflects" the image of the actual audience. If you move, your reflection moves as well. Of course, most of the audience is waving their hands in the air to see their image move, having fun while looking foolish.
After that, it’s certainly a marriage of Franco Dragone (the creator of Cirque du Soleil) and Celine. There is enough stimuli to prevent any audience member from getting bored. Dozens of people are running, swinging, and jumping and, in the background, is a digital screen that is similar in size to an Imax screen, reflecting various backgrounds.
Overall, it’s like music videos coming to life. We loved the show, clapped, paused, glanced at each other and then ran back across the street just in time to meet Grandma and La Madre exiting their show.
View of the Strip
"Good show. I like the Elvis lady," La Madre responded.
"The who?"
"Ann Margaret was with Elvis," Grandma explained.
This was a show that they both could enjoy, and actually the one show that they liked the most throughout the whole week. Then again, they didn’t see Celine. But, either way, La Madre saw some people she knew and Grandma said that the impersonators did the job perfectly. They actually sang instead of lip syncing, which impressed her very much.
