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San Antonio - Part 3
Written by: Dominick A. Miserandino
Photography by: Margherita Miserandino
An exploration into what makes Texans unique, the heat of Texas and the odd adventures of Mojitos and Pool Attendants.
The Westsin Riverwalk allows you to eat, "Al Fresco" right along the river. It’s pretty convenient as it’s just downstairs and it’s also the worst breakfast one can have in terms of health. The best they can have in terms of your taste buds, but we’re in Texas, the land of "bigger is better". Three strips of steak, eggs, cheese and great bread. An entire tribe of cholesterol moved into my veins and took over the left side of my body. One companion in the group had three heart attacks just during the meal. Was it good? Of course it was! Did Dr. Atkins roll over in his grave? A small earthquake was caused by the movement.
This is San Antonio though, the fattest city in America. And America, the fattest country in the world. I’m not just saying that, please don’t hate me. It’s not like I’m generalizing, it’s just statistically the city is overweight. If you don’t like it, just call Men's Fitness magazine who did the survey. I’m simply the messenger.
After breakfast we rolled our now fat butts over to the Witte Museum to see their exhibits on the history of Texas, as well as the America’s Original Exhibit. This is an exhibit showcasing some of the original documents that went into making this nation. Of course there were copies of the Declaration of Independence, in addition to some rare stuff like a letter that Eisenhower was to read if the Astronauts died on the moon. It was like reading the fantasies of an alternative history writer, but written by a White House press speechwriter.
The museum also gets into Texas History, focusing on the cowboys, and life on the frontier, but I was a bit distracted by the original documents. The distraction didn’t do much for my Texas Identity focus here, but hey you can’t have everything.
From the Witte, we went to Massimo’s where we learned about good Italian food and again learned about how truly fat San Antonio can be. To tell you about Massimo’s I will tell you about a Krispy Kreme and a diner. First the Krispy Kreme, which is famous for the fact that, when they make their donuts fresh in the oven, a light goes on, to indicate when the donuts are fresh. At the diner, they serve all you can eat ribs, and if you finish more ribs than a herd of cattle, then you don’t pay. Your stomach might hurt, but you get free ribs!
Then there is Massimo’s. The metaphor, "Fish out of Water" really doesn’t apply, as it doesn’t reflect the "out of place"-ness enough. Is he a Roman out of Rome? Well, yes, but that is still not effective. He fits in like a good healthy restaurant in San Antonio, Texas. Yes, that metaphor works, and is surprisingly accurate. He charges a reasonable amount for fresh, real Italian food. He doesn’t do Americanized versions of Italian food, but Italian food as he remembers from Rome. He is a true and proud Italian, and very proud of his food. He learned from his mother who was Fellini’s personal chef. You can’t get more Italian then that.
He is in a city that has a population that has waited over 24 hours for the donut shop to open and he’s marketing healthy food. He is in a city that voted the best Italian restaurant as the Olive Garden. He doesn’t do "all you can eat", but perfectly sized portions. He’s not spicing up or greasing up his food, but he’s leaving natural ingredients.
Massimo is the exact opposite of the negative dietary average of San Antonio, which makes him a welcome change.
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The Italian Elegance of Massimo's | |
After Massimo’s I lost my Texas manly image, which I thought I received by branding myself while ironing my clothes. Now that I jumped to the climax of this part, I’ll explain.
We went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas. Six Flags Fiesta Texas is not too far out of town in the middle of an abandoned rock quarry. It does wonders for the look and feel of the place. Staci wanted to do the Superman ride, which basically is a roller coaster, which gives you the impression of climbing to the top of this beautiful quarry. You look around, you contemplate life and then it sends you racing down so quickly it gives you a nice little facial by ripping your face backwards from the gravitational force.
To take the story back a little further, I had some Italian Ices, which I loved. I also, decided to be a good Texas man and tell both Staci and Margherita "Not to worry, everything will be fine". I patted them both on the knee in a confident, sort of manner.
But, to go even further back in time, it was about 154 degrees at Great Adventure. Yes, the temperature was so hot; birds would just fall dead from the sky. Women’s make-up would instantaneously melt off, and one gentleman was selling hot pretzels by simply holding the bread up in the air to give it a nice toasty flavor.
Now you can see the combination. My stomach was brewing, singing a rather unusual tune with the sugar of the Italian ices floating around. The locales were looking at me with a funny grin, for feeling hot. This was quite normal, the rollercoaster left my gall bladder at the top of the first loop and... well, isn’t that enough. [Margherita’s Editorial Note: Yes, quite enough]
After the Superman ride I said it was time to head on home so we went back to change to go out for dinner. I felt a twinge of nausea and lied down.
Off to Southtown (the new hip district in San Antonio) to eat at Azuca Nuevo. Azuca means, large portions of Latin food done in a bit of a modern way. I had the most incredible salad and tuna dish, but I couldn’t accurately report what Margherita had. You see, Staci wanted us to try these Mojitos. Mojitos are a Cuban drink, or so I was told, that taste very easy and minty, and by the time you realize it you are already quite inebriated.
This was our last night in San Antonio. We drank some more, laughed some more, and I pretty much had forgotten my original theme of this story as the Mojitos had taken over. Staci was getting hit on by a bald man who worked in the restaurant. I think she was blushing, but it very well could have been the Mojitos.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
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