Brandon's Tailored Trailers: 'Fifty Shades' hit theaters (plz make it stop), 'Solo' trailer finally arrives

Brandon's Tailored Trailers

Greetings everyone, and welcome to the first segment of Brandon's Tailored Trailers — a new weekly column written by yours truly. Every Friday we're going to break down some trailers — both for movies that are opening this weekend and new trailers that get us excited (or, in some cases, cause us extreme dread) for some movies later down the line.

Opening this week:

So far, this February has been rough. At this time last year, we had things like The LEGO Batman Movie and Get Out to watch and enjoy. While Black Panther and Annihilation are on the way, all we’ve had so far is Winchester — a horror movie I couldn’t bring myself to see due to all the negative reviews. Streaming-wise there was also The Cloverfield Paradox, but the less said about that the better.

The struggle continues this week. There’s three new movies headed into wide-release, one of which is sure to attract a large audience, but none of them seem to be screaming Oscar quality. Regardless, here they are:

Fifty Shades Freed

Look, if these are your kind of movies, more power to you. This is the third one they’ve made, so they certainly have an audience. I, however, won't be partaking. Granted, I’ve never actually seen any of the Fifty Shades movies, but I've heard enough about their reputation and quality that makes me pretty sure I don’t ever need to. I think saying that they started off as Twilight fan-fiction pretty much speaks for itself.


Peter Rabbit

Out of all of them, Peter Rabbit is what I’m most curious about. The family-friendly adventure that’s based on the Beatrix Potter story looks like it could potentially be in the same vein as the Paddington films (WHICH ALL OF YOU NEED TO SEE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY). Will Peter Rabbit be able to hit that bar? I'm not sure, but your kids will probably enjoy this one either way.


The 15:17 to Paris

While it’s noble that Clint Eastwood wants to tell this story and that he wants to cast the heroes who actually lived the real-life event to do so, we’ve seen that storytelling method fail time-and-again (looking at you, Act of Valor). Acting is a difficult talent to obtain — even professionals struggle at times. An engaging on-screen performance from a non-actor is an extremely rare thing to capture (The Florida Project is a rare example), and The 15:17 to Paris trailers don't seem to quite get there The fact that the trailer it looks pretty preachy and on-the-nose doesn’t help much either.


New trailers:

Solo: A Star Wars Story (May 25, 2018)

We’ve been waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Now, with only about three and a half months before its release, it’s here. Look, ideally, there would have been more from Alden Ehrenreich in here, but it’s just a teaser. A teaser that we can only hope will soon be followed up with a much longer trailer. Let's just take what we can get at this point, okay?


Venom (October 5, 2018)

Venom is still tough to get a read on. Yes, Tom Hardy looks great in the trailer, and I love that fact that the 1:16 moment created a new internet meme almost instantly. But we still don’t know what the Venom suit looks like, if this is going the R-rated horror route or how this is going to fit into the whole Spider-Man universe. Intriguing, yes, but the questions remain.


Deadpool 2 (May 18, 2018)

I'm declaring Deadpool 2 as the winner of new trailers this week. Everything about it seems to recapture what made the first Deadpool so great — dirty, unapologetic fun. The jab at Justice League was hilarious and Josh Brolin looks cool as hell, what more could you want out of a Deadpool movie?


Mission: Impossible - Fallout (July 27, 2018)

Mission: Impossible is one of the rare franchises that actually improves with every outing. And, based on the trailer for Mission: Impossible - Fallout, there's no reason to think that trend won’t continue. It’s good to see the whole cast back together, and there’s some really impressive stunts thrown in there.


Skyscraper (July 13, 2018)

The Skyscraper trailer asks the audience an important question — what happens if Die Hard is set in a building? Skyscraper may not turn out to be an Oscar-winning, emotional drama, but maybe it’ll be fun. Maybe. It’s got Dwayne Johnson, after all, which is something. Should they announce that this one is R-rated, and I'll be a lot more interested.


Life of the Party (May 11, 2018)

I genuinely like Melissa McCarthy when she takes on more serious, dramatic roles. Her raunchy comedies, however, have been far more of a miss rather than a hit lately — especially when she’s working with Ben Falcone (Tammy, The Boss). Maybe Life of the Party will be the one to turn it around, but I'm not keeping my fingers crossed.


I Feel Pretty (June 29, 2018)

Something similar could be said for Amy Schumer — when she takes on a character with an actual arc, like in Trainwreck, she can be great! When she delves solely into her standard routine, like in Snatched, well…I Feel Pretty starts off by looking like it could boast some interesting, social commentary like ideas, before it quickly turns into Amy Schumer madness by the end of it.


Rewind pick:

10 Cloverfield Lane

Looking for something that’s somehow related to this week’s releases that’s already come out? 10 Cloverfield Lane is the movie for you. The Cloverfield Paradox was a huge letdown that I'm trying my hardest to forget, but the entry that came before it — directed by Dan Trachtenberg — is a bunch of claustrophobic, creepy sci-fi fun.

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