INTERVIEW WITH LISA SHAW-BRAWLEY FROM TheCelebrityCafe.com ARCHIVES
DM) You were diagnosed with Hodgkins disease at 24, a rather young age to be facing life and death. How did you deal with such a diagnosis at that age?
LS) In the beginning, when it was too difficult to face the reality of being diagnosed with cancer and what it would involve to recover, I think there was a layer of fog that protected my mind until I was better able to cope. For me, it was my mind's way of protecting itself while in shock. During that time, I called upon my family for their strength until I got stronger and was able to allow that fog to slowly lift and enable me to begin facing and fighting the cancer. I've always had a very supportive circle of family and friends, so I was very fortunate to have them during my battle against cancer. Truly, nothing got me through the difficult moments more than the voice of my husband Wesley telling me I would survive.
DM) Do you think living through the experience together enhanced your relationship or eventually started to wear a toll?
LS) It only enhanced our relationship as we went through the experience together. There's a part in the chapter that my dad wrote where he says, "Wesley could have just shown up. He could have just been ordinary, but he wasn't. He did every man proud." If anything, some of the difficulty came after I recovered and we were facing the day-in and day-out dealings of everyday life. I remember thinking, "We just saved my life. We can't possibly be arguing about the dishes."
DM) Is the book really completely from the journal you kept while going through this?
LS) I have kept a journal most of my life, so the book begins from my journal on Christmas night of 1995 when I discovered the lump on my neck. The book goes through treatment, then there is a chapter written by my father, and concludes three years after I got well when I am able to have a baby despite the risk of infertility from the treatments I endured. When I had to get down to the "business" of writing a manuscript for the publisher, I made certain that what I submitted came primarily from my journal entries. I didn't want it to be a book polished up three years after I recovered with the luxury of knowing I'd survive it, because I knew many people would be reading it while they were frightened and uncertain of their own fate. I wanted to be a voice of understanding for those people.
DM) Is there anything you regret or are embarrassed about writing?
LS) I have no regrets about anything I wrote in the book. It is my honest account of what happened to my family and me while going through the most difficult time in our lives. I think it's incredible that our son Hunter will have the book to read when he is much older and will be able to know the story of my family's strength through adversity. He'll always know what an honorable man his father was when I needed him most. It'll be an enduring lesson in commitment for him and always a reminder for us.
DM) It sounds like writing the book was almost therapeutic in a way?
LS) I have always kept a journal, so when I got sick, it made sense to just keep writing. Since reading the book, some members of my family have said that they thought maybe they weren't there for me enough because there was so much more in the book than what I had shared with them while going through cancer. I never misrepresented how I felt or how I was dealing with it. Writing it down just allowed me to work through the deepest layers of pain that would have otherwise been left untouched. One doesn't leave cancer unscathed, but I do agree that the best therapy for me was writing it down and trying to make sense of it as it was happening. It brought some clarity to an otherwise confusing, arduous time.
DM) Is the cancer completely out of your system now, or just in remission?
LS) I have not had cancer since completing treatment in May of 1996. I just had a complete check up last month and everything was fine. I do not have to return for another check up for a year.
DM) Is there ever a point that you can "relax" about the cancer or is it an ongoing check?
LS) I will continue to have checkups annually for the rest of my life. It's the responsible thing to do after what I went through. For many months, even years, after completing treatment I continued to worry about a recurrence, but since the day I found out I was pregnant with our son, I have had no fear of cancer. I could no longer question why cancer had come to me, because I realized that everything in my entire life, good and bad, had led me to this specific baby. My purpose changed when I became a mother, and when he was born I was healed.
DM) What do you mean, "When he was born I was healed"?
LS) Having cancer was more than just a physical toll on my body. It was also an emotional toll on my spirit and everything I had come to believe about myself in my 24 years. When I found out I had cancer and had to go through numerous tests to determine the stage of the disease, I felt like my body had betrayed me. I questioned whether I would ever be able to move through my life again without the constant layer of fear I had been faced with the day I found out I had cancer and everyday that followed. When I discovered I was pregnant, I was so amazed that the same body that had created something as horrible as cancer had gone on to heal and create this miraculous human life. I never expected to feel so free of the fear of cancer and the hurt that came with it. Becoming a mother allowed me to shift my focus and heal in a way that freed me of my own fears.
DM) You find that you feel healthier since having a child then before?
LS) I think our minds are powerful and I find strength in just knowing that I managed to overcome something so difficult and go on to have a healthy baby. There's nothing healthier than that for me.