On this week’s New Girl, the gang discussed how they lost their virginities. Also, Nick and Jess totally did it.
The episode began with the gang and Cece in the loft discussing how Jess got a text from Teddy, the man who “stole her flower.” This led the group to discuss how they lost their virginities. It was an episode of mini flashbacks.
Winston lost his virginity to a prostitute. Nick’s father brought Nick and Winston on a trip with him. Strangely, Winston didn’t know she was a prostitute even though her name was Mystique and her partner was Octopussy. He thought they were businesswomen.
Cece lost her virginity on her prom night. To Mick Jagger. Yeah, that Mick Jagger. Side note, teenage Cece had a really cute haircut.
Schmidt lost his virginity to his girlfriend Elizabeth, when he was still overweight. He bought a big tube of lube to make it more comfortable for his girlfriend for their first time. He told Nick to leave the room for the night and Nick agreed.
Nick said he was going to take some mushrooms and go see Dave Matthews. However, the mushrooms kicked in before he could go so Nick stayed and heard Schmidt doing the dirty.
After an overuse of lube, Schmidt fell off of the bunk bed and landed on Nick, who was trying to escape. Elizabeth, on the top bunk, got lube in her eyes and couldn’t see. Then greasy Nick had to help Schmidt back up the ladder to have sex with Elizabeth.
Hands down, Schmidt’s virginity story was the funniest. I mean, he was rolling around covered in lube. How can anyone top that?
Jess’s story was front and foremost. She had to tell the story in two parts because it seemed that each time she was about to cash in her V-card, something happened. Her first chance was at prom. She was going to sleep with a guy from the gender equality club (the only other member) but he wouldn’t rip her dress off, so she left. In the hallway, she met a mysterious guitar-playing boy who sang with her until the gender equality boy finally got the nerve to rip her dress off.
Gender equality boy taped two steak knives together with tape and was going to cut Jess’s dress off. Not surprisingly, he cut his hand and Jess had to help him.
Fast forward a few years, Jess travels to LA to visit Cece. They are sitting in a bar and Jess runs into mysterious guitar playing guy again. Neither of the two have a place to go, so they decide to have sex in the park in a play castle because the bench was taken.
Turns out the mysterious guitar player is actually on antidepressants and Jess spends the whole night waiting for him to be excited enough to have sex. He doesn’t until they accidentally get stuck in the castle and the cops come. Then the cops find a dead body on the bench and guitar guy says that he is gay.
In a strange turn of events, Jess loses her virginity to Teddy- the fireman on the scene.
At the end of the episode, Cece is in bed with Shivrang and they sit awkwardly, not having sex. Elizabeth and Schmidt have sex. Winston and Daisy have sex. And Nick runs after Jess and they have sex.
So, what did you guys think of the episode? Who had the best virginity story? Two more episodes until Cece’s wedding, do you think that she’s going to go through with it?