If you missed Spring Breakers while it was in theaters, you’re in luck because it’s now available on demand. I was able to catch this gem of a movie recently. After watching it the only words that I could fathom were what the Franco?
I was excited to see it because I’ve heard so many different reviews on it. Cinematography aside, I’m going to have to slate my rating on the side that it was actually the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I am a huge fan of James Franco (127 Hours). I like Ashley Benson from Pretty Little Liars, and can even sometimes relate to Selena Gomez(Wizards of Waverly Place). However, they all lost a few points in my book for this disaster.
The movie has little audible dialogue aside from white rapper extraordinaire, James Franco, saying “Sprannng Braaaake” several times throughout and the plot is loose enough to be considered non-existent.
It’s about four best friends who go on Spring Break together. They can’t afford it, so naturally the only solution is for the two leaders of the pack, Benson and Vanessa Hudgens (High School Musical),(I am not confident the characters had names) to get some fake guns and rob a local diner. Then they all head down to Florida and party it up. At most colleges, when people “partied” on spring break, it meant hanging out on the beach, playing beer pong, taking shots, drinking out of the funnel or maybe even a toke on the ole Mary Jane. I might be going out on a limb here but these girls are crazy.
They get arrested and decide to stick around and hang out with stranger, James Franco, all week after he randomly bailed them out of jail (oh wait! his character actually has a name, it’s Alien).
Selena Gomez isn’t into the lines of cocaine and machine guns Alien has to offer so after being incarcerated she heads home early.
But the rest of them were not ready for the fun to end. Nope, there’s approximately sixty more minutes of girl on girl action, shotgunning smoke into people’s mouths and a weird song Alien plays on the piano.
As much best friend making out and sultry posing that goes on in this movie, you would think these girls would do anything for each other. And you’re right if “anything” doesn’t include getting your least favorite pink haired friend, played by Rachel Korine (Little Red Riding Hood), home early after she gets shot. Nope, just sent her home alone. Tough luck pinky, hope you don’t bleed out on the bus (give them the benefit of the doubt, if it wasn’t spring break surely they would have taken her to a hospital). And then there were two.
The movie ends with Benson and Hudgens attending a party, in their bikinis of course, with Alien. They proceed to shoot him- a confusing move considering 5 minutes before heading to the party they had a threesome (yes, Vanessa Hudgens we all saw your sideboob. We get it, you’re all grown up). Anyways they also shoot several other attendees, including Gucci Mane while he is in his bathtub, then steal a Lamborghini and head back to campus. Let’s hope for a great end of the semester guys!
Enjoy the preview below, and then call it quits. You’ll be disappointed if you spend an hour and a half of your life watching the entire movie.
Photo courtesy of By Lucie Nováčková (lucie@blueskyfilm.cz) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons.