Intro:
The show starts off with Craig Ferguson interviewing three members of the audience. The first guest is from Germany, but his name is unintelligible. The second guest introduces herself as Corinna from Germany, and the third guest introduces himself as Jacob from Australia. When Ferguson asks the first guest what he is doing in America, he replies that he is taking a vacation from his wife, which elicits laughter from the audience. Ferguson announces that he is sending all three people to a restaurant named "Craig's," courtesy of CBS.
Monologue:
"Not only is it a great day for America, it's also a great day to quit smoking," says Ferguson. He cites a new study, which showed that ex-smokers make more money. Ferguson says that he used to smoke and that he understands why people smoke. The Scotsman says that ex-smokers often say that they'll never take up smoking again but that he's not one of them. He says that he now dreams that he could smoke a pipe, put on a robe, and solve crimes. Ferguson makes fun of e-cigarettes, which are supposedly safer than cigarettes.
Tweets and Emails:
The first message is from a viewer in Australia who asks Ferguson if he has gotten a haircut. Ferguson says he has dismissively. The next message is from a viewer named JC in Kansas City, Kansas. He asks Ferguson if he ever cares what people think. Ferguson says, "I care what people think. I just don't care what people who work at CBS think." Another message comes from a viewer in Pakistan who asks if he is the only Pakistani to tweet at Ferguson so far. Because the host reads the message in a mocking Pakistani tone, he says, "Yes, but I have a feeling I will be hearing from more soon."
First Guest:
Jeff Goldblum stops by the show to promote . Ferguson says, "Girl, you are looking great!" This prompts Goldblum to ask Ferguson why he said "girl." Ferguson says that he is not a believer in labels. Goldblum admires Ferguson's socks, but Ferguson says that they are actually tights. Ferguson asks Goldblum about his love life. Goldblum says that he is deeply in love with a "delightful" woman. Goldblum and Ferguson begin discussing hippies and then, exercise. Goldblum says that he likes to stay active. Ferguson says that as he gets older, he cares less about being respectable. The segments ends with Ferguson saying that he thinks that all people are individual and classification is the root of prejudice.
In the final segment, Goldblum plays a piece on the piano.
Photo courtesy of CBS.