All sorts of things went down in the world this week. So many, in fact, that I had trouble deciding on just one top five topic. Instead, I decided to bring you a musical round-up of the five biggest stories of the week.

5. San Diego Mayor is Totally Creepy
This has been going on for a while, but more women are coming forward each week with allegations that Mayor Bob Filner is a total horn-dog. He’s essentially that weird leering “uncle” who’s had a few too many at the family reunion. Except he’s a mayor. Of a city. Does professionalism mean anything anymore?

Probably not, because U-T San Diego released a cheesy and painful to listen to parody of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” telling the mayor to “#resign.” The video has been slammed as incredibly unprofessional and even degrading to women because of the outfits the females in the parody are wearing (a bit far-fetched of a complaint, if you ask me).

Anyway, here’s the video, so you can decide for yourself whether it was a worthwhile endeavor or not.

4. Area 51: The Truth Has Already Been Out There?
The CIA released documents this week admitting that Area 51 is a place, and it exists, and that’s about it. The documents explain that the area was a testing ground for U-2 spy planes during the Cold War. The planes flew higher than was believed possible at the time, thus explaining all the UFO sightings, I guess...

The declassified information released as part of the Freedom of Information Act, but most of the information was already known and readily accessible. In fact, Google Maps showed the exact location of Area 51 before it was acknowledged by the government.

All I have to say is thanks for ruining all my hopes and dreams and conspiracies about aliens, ya jerks.

3. NJ Governor Legalizes Medical Marijuana for Toddlers
GOP it-boy, Chris Christie, has been getting a lot of media attention lately. He’s going to sign a bill that broadens the medical marijuana program for the state, allowing edible forms of the drug to be made available for kids, but requires the approval of a pediatrician and a psychiatrist.

The bill has been a hot-button issue because of a family in the state, whose young daughter has a rare and dangerous form of epilepsy, that can be treated with a specific strain of marijuana not legally offered in NJ.

This bill is a “small victory” says the father of the young girl, but New Jersey’s program is still inferior to more liberal and extensive ones in other states like California. I’ll let Peter Tosh do the talking for this one:

2. New Mammal Discovered is TOO CUTE
This isn’t necessarily a “new” mammal, but the olinguito, residing in the Andean cloud forests, was before this week never differentiated from the olingo. This revelation took years of research spearheaded by a Smithsonian zoologist, in which physical attributes were compared, DNA was sequenced, and finally, olinguitos were observed in their natural habitat.

“Olinguito” means “little, adorable olingo” in Spanish, for good reason. It is fluffy and cute and perfect and I LOVE IT. So, three cheers for science bringing fuzzy adorableness into our cold, draining, loveless modern lives.

Simon and Garfunkel totally know what I’m talking about.

1. Bloodshed in Egypt Continues
My best wishes and prayers for safety go out to all those struggling in Cairo and beyond. While I don’t feel it’s my place to give opinion on the revolutionary efforts going on, it is certainly the most striking and heart-breaking story of the week.

Each day the body count climbs and we are shown more graphic and disturbing images of protestors clashing with police, houses of worship being destroyed, and general mayhem and fear escalating.

The protests that ousted President Mohamed Morsy started in early July, and have sparked counter-protests from the former president’s supporters, Islamist political group, the Muslim Brotherhood.

While the conflict is far from the US, the Arab Spring should show people that one group’s struggles are the whole world’s strife.