2:30 p.m.

On a Friday

Philadelphia, PA

In what may have been the best It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode this season so far, the show finally addressed a topic that has been bugging fans and critics for years; why hasn’t this series won any major awards? Now in its ninth season, It’s Always Sunny has been lauded by critics as a kind of “Seinfeld on crack” and quoted regularly by viewers. Its main cast includes Golden Globe and Emmy winner (and Oscar nominee) Danny DeVito, and co-star Charlie Day has gone on to be quite the break out star in major films. Creator and co-star Rob McElhenney even gained a lot of attention a couple years ago for being the first TV actor in history to go all “Raging Bull” and purposely pack on 50lbs for the sake of comedy.

But the show has nothing to show for it all— not when it comes to awards, that is. In all the year’s it has been on the air, Sunny has only ever won one award, a Satellite for Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical in 2011. Other than that… nada, zilch, squat.

The episode title, “The Gang Tries Desperately to Win An Award” says it all. When Frank discovers that Paddy’s Pub isn’t in the running for Philadelphia’s Best Bar competition, the gang decides the have to do something about it— not right away, of course. After all, awards are stupid and unnecessary, right? This they all agree on and say that they just don’t need award (which is perhaps a reference to McElhenney saying in 2011 that there is “no f—ing way in hell” that they would get an Emmy). But… wouldn’t an award be nice to have? As Dee says, "I can't imagine that people are doing what we're doing better."

The gang then determines that they have to at least try, especially after a visit to the local Restaurant and Bar Association reveals that the only reason they aren’t on the ballot for Best Bar is because they always returned their entry form covered in “fecal matter, urine and racial slurs” (knowing It’s Always Sunny, this could be taken either literally or figuratively, and both would be correct).

Charlie, who seems to think that they are competing in a song contest, then writes a surprisingly good song about Paddy’s, with which he serenades the gang. Unlike his work on “The Nightman Cometh” musical, there is no way that this song can be interpreted as being about rape or spiders. Unfortunately, the gang does not thing the song is the right fit for Paddy’s, and they lock him in the basement so he won’t get in the way.

Frank, Dee, Dennis and Mac decide that they need to see what an award-winning bar looks like. They head over to Sudz, which in many ways is the polar opposite of Paddy’s. The bartenders are overly pleasant and talk like they’re characters on a sitcom, with the patrons “oohing” and “aahing” over the “Will they or won’t they?” romance that plays out between two of them. The entire place is brightly lit and very colorful. The drinks are equally colorful, and after each drinking an enormous fishbowl, Dennis, Dee and Mac decide that they need to adopt the Sudz formula and translate it over to Paddy’s.

Frank meanwhile has different ideas. After an awkward attempt to give a Paddy’s goody bag, egg included, to the owner of Sudz, played by Oscar Nunez (Oscar from The Office!), he decides that Paddy’s can boost their appeal by going darker and sultrier. He tells the others how he and Artemis recently visited a “classy” burlesque place, and he goes about transforming Paddy’s office into a performance room of this nature.

Dennis has nevertheless managed to transform Paddy’s into a slightly ugly twin of Sudz, right down to forcing Mac and Dee to play out a “Will they or won’t they?” romance (which of course is even more hilarious since McElhenney and Kaitlin Olson are married in real life). To soften up Dee’s “hard features”, Dennis even sets up extremely bright lights that all but wipe her features out.

Finally, it’s industry night, and Paddy’s fills up with people. Things take a turn for the worse very quickly, with Mac inadvertently insulting and saying overtly sexual things to a patron, and Dennis’ imagined romance between Mac and Dee never really lifting off the ground. Panicked, Dennis leads patrons to Frank’s burlesque room, only to end up exposing them to the unhealthy sex acts of Frank and the always-unashamed Artemis.

And then, the long-forgotten Charlie finally frees himself. Crawling out of a hole in the floor with spray paint all over his nose, a now very-high Charlie seats himself at his keyboard, ready to serenade everyone. But of course, it isn’t the same song as before. Instead, it’s a horrid mess of high-pitching screeching and wailing, culminating with Charlie repeatedly telling Paddy’s visitors to go f—k themselves. When he starts spitting at them, the rest of the gang joins in, and the evening culminates with them realizing that they’re pleased with just being themselves.

But still, an award would have been nice.