Do you have an important document to sign? Need to autograph a peace treaty or even a declaration of independence? Look no further than the Montegrappa Chaos limited edition 18K gold rollerball pen, costing a measly $75,000.

This seven-pound pen writes in gold, is made from black pearlized celluloid, and can come with either sterling silver or solid gold overlays. The pen designer is none other than, Sylvester Stallone, who wanted the pen to juxtapose life and death through carvings of reptiles and skulls.

The unnecessary extravagance of the pen has generated some outlandish Amazon reviews.

In one of the more subdued reviews, C. Yu jokingly complains that he keeps misplacing his pen.

“This is the third one I’ve had to buy. They should offer it in a box of 20.”

For anyone who’s interested, a box of 20 would cost around $1.3 million. That has to come with free shipping, right?

Martiniduck’s review is one of many that describes the pen as having supernatural powers.

“This review has been amazingly written without a keyboard. You just point the Pen at any screen and it will write whatever you want. In fact, you never have to refill the ink; words just magically appear at anything you paint the pen at.”

Martiniduck says the pen boasts that Shakespeare, John F. Kennedy, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Abe Lincoln, Mark Twain, and even God himself have written with this pen. He reveals this just before he and the pen engage in an intense argument that ends with Martiniduck calling the pen his master.

The best review, however, comes from Mayor McCheese, who fills in the gaps on the pen’s minimal item description.

“I will list for you the most amazing features:
-Self-refilling ink
-writes underwater/upside down
-creates it's own gravitational field
-spell check
-easily located if lost with built in GPS or telepathy
-night light
-ability to bring random people into being with you
-communicates with dead trees
-wifi/usb/320DDRAM
-built in vibrator with 3 speed settings
-remote control
-translates any language (except Yiddish)
-built in parachute
-microphone/webcam
-82 mpg
-interface allows you to use pen on a computer screen & words will show as type
-fire retardant
-wind proof”

How can you say no to that? Sure, a pen with its own gravitational field could be problematic, but 82 miles per gallon and telepathic abilities? That may just be worth $75,000.

Image: Amazon