On this episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen talked about money, cereal and education.
The episode began with Stephen discussing how unsafe it is to be a rich person. According to him, President Obama is making it hard to be a rich person. He said that he would give his money to a poor person but he doesn’t want to make them a target.
In a speech from President Obama, Stephen said that he “hit the rich with another drone strike” because he was so boring. Stephen said the president was putting the “unattainably rich” up against the “unimaginably rich” to start class warfare.
Forbes released their 400 riches men and, even if you had one billion dollars, you still wouldn’t make it on the list. Stephen said he wasn’t sure if he should feel sorry for the 61 billionaires that didn’t make the list or Forbes for “losing 61 of their 461 subscribers.”
In this episode, he brought back Colbert Platinum, the segment about wealth. It is only for platinum members only. He said that those who weren’t members should go plant seeds for food. He related then with the wealthy viewers saying that they shared taste. He said that if you weren’t drinking expensive liquor, you might as well be drinking from a hobo’s “a-- crack.”
Dean & Deluca, a company, invented luxury ice for those too wealthy for tap water ice. To mock the company, Stephen introduced Colb-Air, air from rich people only so they don’t have to breathe poor people air.
To continue in his platinum segment, Stephen introduced his Hot Dic-Tip advice for dictators. He then played a clip of Kayne West performing for a dictator after he was paid $3 million. He talked about other celebs that had performed for dictators. Jennifer Lopez did it too!
Stephen discussed advertising. He pointed out the Cheerio commercial where the woman and her child discuss nana and eating Cheerios. Stephen ended the clip by laying on his desk, hugging a body pillow and sobbing.
He said that, due to the commercial, he can’t walk down the cereal isle without loss and regret. He showed a clip of him walking through the cereal isle and falling on the ground in tears after seeing the Cheerios. He shifted the conversation by saying that Cheerios were a loop from purgatory to our world. He called them devil grain and that there is a long line of haunted cereals.
Stephen interviewed Arne Duncan, the secretary of education, about his plans for education in the future. He said that the US ranks 12th in college graduation rates.
Duncan also promoted his plan for universal preschool. Stephen wondered why he wanted to take the children away when they were cutest. Duncan told Stephen that all of his best ideas come from teachers and not Washington.
This was an overall solid episode, even though Duncan did skim over some of Stephen’s tougher questions.