On Monday's episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen interviewed a tennis player, discussed Egypt, talked about birds and tipped his hat to blind people.
Stephen began the broadcast discussing Egypt. He said that he was worried about them. He discussed their shift of leadership. He said that everyone suspects everyone because they “all look kind of middle eastern.”
There was a clip shown from a Houston news network about the situation in Egypt. In the clip, the newscaster said that a stork (yep, the bird) was captured in suspension of being a spy. Apparently, it was carrying a suspicious electronic device. Stephen questioned if it could have been the new iPhone 5S. He then said that he only asked because he “wanted a free one.”
Stephen then reported that the animal kingdom has been involved in political affairs. He reported previously that Egypt believed that Israel has behind a deadly shark attack. Saudi Arabia captured a vulture because they believed it was a spy.
Stephen then joked that they had arrested a rabbit for being one letter away from being a rabbi. Stephen said that, whether the stork is a spy or not, he hopes that they interrogate it until the stork admits “where babies really come from.” She also said that they would have more on the story because “anything beats talking about Syria.”
However, the next topic he covered was Syria. He said that it gives him no pleasure to say that President Obama had “screwed this thing up.” But he laughed afterward. Stephen showed clips of journalists talking about how much the American people didn’t want to go to war. He commented, “Congress knows the only thing less popular than going to war with Syria is Congress.”
Stephen showed a clip of Charles Blow, a CNN political commentator, talking about why President Obama wants the congress to approve military action. Blow stated that, if the congress doesn’t approve, then the rest of the presidents in history will never ask to go to war again. Stephen then commented, snidely, that the constitution was such as hassle with the checks and balances.
Stephen used a example. He said that the current situation is like your teenage son asking to borrow the car. And, if you say no now, then next time he’ll “attack Syria.”
He said that Obama was getting so desperate that he had a balloon man with ‘attack Syria’ on it’s blowing body. Stephen commented that the balloon had a thicker spine than Secretary of State John Kerry. Kerry told supporters that the US would only be having a small, short-term attack.
Stephen then showed a clip from FOX News that, while President Obama was trying to sell the Syria attack, Americans had more important things on their mind like Monday Night Football. There were another few clips shown from the FOX News Network about how President Reagan could have already taken care of the Syrian issue, faster than President Obama. Stephen stated that conservatives had an uncanny skill of knowing what President Reagan would do at any given time.
Syria? Invade. Obama Care? Appeal. Super salad? Jellybeans.
Stephen did, however, point out that when President Reagan was president, he ignored Sadam Hussein’s use of chemical weapons against his Kurdish resistance forces. But they were talking about Super President Reagan. Who “never raised taxes or tripled the defecate” and knocked down the Berlin Wall with his giant nut sack.
After showing a pixilated picture of President Reagan knocking down the wall, Stephen had a brief break of character where he had to pause and laugh. He then told a fan-fiction foreign policy story about President Reagan and skeltor defeating the joker at the Jurassic Park. Also, President Reagan was bit by a radioactive spider and was changed into Spider-Reagan. Stephen even had toys to play with as he told the story.
This episode featured the segment ‘Tip of the Hat and Wag of the Finger,’ one of my personal favorites. Stephen gave giving gun permits to blind people a tip of the hat. In Iowa, it is legal to give blind people permits to carry guns in public. When asking aloud why blind people can have a gun and not drive a car, Stephen answered his own question. He quoted an article that made the point that owning a gun is a consititutional right while driving is a privilege.
Stephen also tipped his hat to “bigger pants” because summer is over. He stated that he was wearing pants that were a size too big and it made him look like he lost weight.
Finally, he discussed the ‘Bodies’ exhibit. The exhibit that shows what bodies look like without skin was discussed in recent articles because the bodies used may have been murdered and even killed for their organs. Stephen gave his wag of the finger to “recent articles” because they were ruining the fun.
Steven’s guest was tennis star Billie Jean King. She made it clear that she was not Micheal Jackson’s lover and even said that Elton John wrote a song about her. It was a fun interview as she talked about her infamous ‘battle of the sexes’ tennis match and how she achieved greatness in her tennis career.