Back in the Game was all about Terry trying to get The Cannon back into the dating game with help from the eccentric little leaguers.
Terry demonstrates how to properly slide into a base. The Cannon tells they boys they need to do it that way so they can pop up and hit the other guy with their elbow. Terry quickly tells the boys no, it’s to protect their hands. When a remote control helicopter distracts the boys, The Cannon goes on a rant about focusing and being committed. Each boy then tries to slide into base, with Michael cartwheeling into the base instead of sliding. The boys mention to Terry that The Cannon has been extra mean lately. Terry agrees. One of the boys says his dad gets like that when his mother is away. His brother told him it’s because their father is pent up and needs to get some, which is referred to as the good stuff. Danny asks Terry if The Cannon needs to get the “good stuff.” Remembering an awkward television moment, Terry begins to think the boys are onto something.
As Terry packs up, Dick watches on, making sexist comments about her. He then calls her rookie and tells her to come over. When she refuses to obey his command, Dick wheels over a cart full of boxes, which he jokingly says is his monthly supply of condoms. Terry remains unimpressed. Dick tells her the boxes are full of chocolate bars that need to be sold by the team. She needs to raise $800. Meanwhile, The Cannon coaches the boys as they run, “Speed it up or I’m going to get my car and chase you around with it. Breaks are shot.”
At school, Michael, up to date on the latest gossip, informs Danny that the girl he likes, Vanessa, is now single. Hilariously using pop culture references, Michael tells Danny to make his move on Vanessa while she’s single. While Michael is pushing Danny into the young dating world, Terry is filling out a dating profile for The Cannon. She asks him questions about the type of woman he likes. He refuses to take it seriously. When asked what kind of hair he likes, he responds, “Brazilian.” Terry quickly says, “On her head, dad.”
Outside of a grocery store, Terry gives each team member twenty bars to sell and sends them on her way. Lulu asks about The Cannon’s dating profile. Terry confesses that it hasn’t been successful. Lulu and Terry realize they’re at a store with plenty of women coming and going. She rallies the boys and sends them out to find a date for The Cannon. Terry advises them to ignore women with wedding rings, but, if there’s a tan line on her wedding ring finger, then “she’s shady and ready to party.” The boys take on the task, describing The Cannon as smelling like beer, “but in a fun way.” While trying to find a date for The Cannon, Danny runs into Vanessa and her mom. He awkwardly talks to Vanessa. At last, the search is successful as the boys introduce baseball-loving Dottie to Terry.
The Cannon refuses to go on the date, as he picks his teeth with his metal toothpick on a necklace. Terry tells him that the entire Internet turned him down so he’s going on this date. When he continues to refuse, she presses a button on the TV remote, making it impossible for The Cannon to watch TV. She promises to fix it if he goes out with Dottie. After leaving her dad and Dottie to enjoy their date, Terry passes Dick. He asks where her date is and claims that she’s scared of dating and making her father test the waters. She assures him that’s not the case and walks out.
The next morning, The Cannon is happily dancing around in the kitchen. Terry notices that he has two cups of coffee. Thinking he spent the night with Dottie, Terry is happy. Out walks Barb, who happens to be a bit rougher around the edges than Dottie. The Cannon explains that he and Dottie didn’t click so he walked over to the dive bar and found another woman. Barb, grossly coughing/hacking, returns from smoking and uses The Cannon’s metal toothpick. Terry is disgusted.
Danny, clearly frustrated about the Vanessa situation, asks The Cannon how he got Barb to like him. The Cannon tells him they sat down, talked, “got loaded,” and then he “nicely asked” Barb to join him in the men’s room. Danny, knowing that all of those will get him suspended, asks what he can do to get a girl he likes. The Cannon urges him to just tell her that he likes her and to do something thoughtful for her.
Terry returns home to find Barb wearing her clothes. The Cannon informs Terry that Barb is between places so he invited her to stay for a while. Terry is still disgusted by Barb and wants “Mucus Mary” out of the house. Frustrated with her father, Terry takes it out on the boys at practice as she yells, “Next kid to drop a ball is running bases until he’s sixteen.” Danny tells his mother that she seems a bit pent up like The Cannon was. She tells him that The Cannon is happy, but now she’s a mess. Dick adds, “A hot mess.” He suggests he can help her (like a doctor would). She quickly retorts, “If there’s an M.D. in your name, it stands for massive douche.” He acts serious and gives her a number to call for help. When she looks at it, she realizes it’s just his number.
Back home, Danny comes in with the rest of the chocolate money. When Terry goes to place it in the cash box, she realizes all of the money is gone. Terry immediately runs out to yelling, “That phlegmy hag stole my money!” Barb and Terry begin to argue. The Cannon stops them, thanks Barb, and tells her she can leave now. He then tells Terry that Barb is not his girlfriend. He used the $800 to pay her to stay and annoy Terry since Terry messed with his TV and forced him on a date. He was teaching her a lesson. End of lesson. She tells him she wasn’t meddling and that she just wants to make sure he’s not lonely. He says that when she broke his TV, that meant war.
Back at school, Danny has decided to make his move. As he’s about to walk over to Vanessa, Michael stops him and informs him that Vanessa and her boyfriend are “totes back together.” The two run back to Danny’s original hiding place. It’s too late, though. Vanessa opens her Snapple to reveal a message from Danny on the cap: “I think you’re awesome! –Danny.” Vanessa smiles and Danny feels accomplished.
Later that night, Terry notices The Cannon is dressed up. He’s going on a date with Dottie. The Cannon admits that he did have a nice time with her after she stopped yapping about her dog. He tells Terry that he doesn’t want her to be lonely either. The Cannon tells Terry that he hopes she finds someone wonderful and great. She asks, “Really?” He quickly replies, “No, I’ll kill him.” He hangs up the metal toothpick necklace and exits saying, “Whatever I get in my teeth tonight, I’m keeping.” The heartfelt moment quickly turns to disgust for Terry.
The Cannon sits down to watch TV, but notices the TV is gone. He calls for Terry. She tells him she sold the TV to get the chocolate bar money and says now the lesson has ended. He proudly says, “That’s my girl.”
Tune in Wednesdays at 8:30/7:30c on ABC for more hilarious little league and family dysfunction.
image: ABC
