“No Crying in Baseball” has The Cannon trying to toughen up the team, while Lulu and Terry’s friendship is hits a snag as they plan a birthday party together.
The Angles are playing Dick’s team, which David is on. The Angles are losing 0-9. Danny is up to bat. David hits him with the ball and smiles. Dick tells David to wipe the smile off of his face. As he’s walking to first, Terry and The Cannon come over to check on him. Terry tells him it’s okay to cry, while The Cannon disagrees. The Cannon confidently says they are Gannons and “we inflict pain and then we laugh.” Terry calls him a monster. The Cannon adds, “Pain is temporary. Crying hurts you the rest of your life.” As he walks to first, Danny tries to follow The Cannon’s advice, but a tear slips and the players laugh at him.
Danny is turning eleven and Terry wants to have a party for him. Unfortunately, all she can afford is a small pizza party. She adds that they can do face painting. Danny questions, “You know that I’m a boy, right?” The Cannon quickly replies that the jury is still out on that after today. Danny wants a big party, but Terry tells him she just can’t do it. The Cannon tells Terry she needs to step up the party plans.
Danny and Terry invite Lulu and Michael to Danny’s party, but they can’t come because that’s when Michael’s birthday party is. He’s having a “dancing with the birthday stars” themed party. Danny says it’s fine because it’s not like they’re having a real party anyway. Lulu suggests combing the parties and Terry agrees. Michael tells Danny to be ready because, “My mom does everything big.” Lulu corrects him, “Makes everything big.” Danny wants to do paintball. Michael agrees. Lulu says, “Okay, dancing and violence it is.” Both boys are excited and Michael says, “It’s so West Side Story. I’m loving it.” Terry and Lulu enjoy party planning together at the beginning, but they hit a rough patch in regards to money. Lulu wants to go big, but Terry needs to remain financially conservative. Lulu tells her the total of the party is $4000. Terry owes $2000, which happens to be $2000 more than she has.
The Cannon walks in with an early birthday present for Danny. Danny sees that it’s a sock and is less than impressed. The Cannon corrects him, “It’s a redemption sock.” It has a cue ball in it to hit people. It’s so Danny can get back at David and his team, but Danny knows that sort of violence could send him straight to juvey. Terry walks in and says no to the redemption sock. She says it’s the same one from when she was a kid. It even has the spaghetti sauce on it. The Cannon claims it’s not spaghetti sauce. The Cannon tells Danny that redemption sock two is in his bag “and the sequel is just as good as the original.”
Michael is happy that the kids are responding yes to the birthday invites. He never has that many kids show up. David walks by and begins to ridicule them. He informs them that he’s going to show up at the paintball range and ruin their birthdays by beating them. Danny and Michael run over to the rest of the team to cancel the party because David is going to kick their butts. The Cannon asks if they’re really going to run away. Danny replies, “Yeah, that seems like the ‘I want to make it to twelve’ thing to do.” The Cannon offers to teach the boys combat training tactics. He then asks where Dong, one of the team members, is. Dong says, “If you have to ask about dong, you’re already dead,” as he stands behind The Cannon. The Cannon replies, “I just got a chill.” They then use the baseball equipment and practice time to commence combat training.
Even though she’s been working double shifts, Terry can’t afford to pay for half of the party so she’s going to have to cancel it. The Cannon gives her the money she needs so that Danny can have a good birthday. She takes the money to Lulu only to discover that Lulu has added more to the party, which Terry can’t afford. The two argue and decide to throw separate parties.
Their separate parties are right next to each other at the paintball range. Lulu’s side is extravagant with bubble machines and dancers, while Terry’s side is a picnic table with a few small decorations. As The Cannon gives the team a pep talk before the paintball war, Dick comes up to pay for David and his friends. He accidentally shoots himself with the paintball gun.
As the dancers are teaching the kids how to Merengue, Terry’s Pizza arrives and she lures the kids to her side of the party. Terry questions why Lulu would still have the party at the paintball range. Lulu admits that it’s because that’s where the kids would be. Kids barely ever come to Michael’s party and she wanted him to have a good birthday. They both admit they were wrong and apologize to one another.
The paintball war is on. The Angles are getting knocked out one by one. The twins inadvertently shoot each other. They even resort to using Dudley as a shield after he is shot. It seems as those The Angles have lost as The Cannon walks up. He tells them, “You know, if this was real war you’d all be speaking German.” They tell him that Danny is hurt. The Cannon runs into the range to check on Danny. Danny says he twisted his ankle and can’t walk. He then apologizes for disappointing The Cannon. The Cannon reassures him that he’s not disappointed and that Danny is his favorite kid in the whole world. Danny then informs him that he’s not really hurt. He used it as an excuse so The Cannon could walk in and scope out where David and his friends were. The Cannon tells him where they are and Danny shoots them all with paintballs. The Angles win! After shooting David, Danny puts his hand out to shake David’s hand. They shake and Danny says, “Good game.” The Cannon watches on and proudly says, “That’s a hell of a kid.” David walks out upset to his father, Dick. Dick tells him, “That’s what you’re gonna get trying to be a tough guy all of the time, dude.” David cries and Dick hugs him as they walk away together.
A hilarious episode with a lovely little lesson about bullying. (Not to mention the awesome title throwback to a lovely little movie called A League of Their Own.)
image: ABC
