In this week’s episode of New Girl Jess is determined to build a meaningful friendship with Coach while Schmidt offers the career hungry Winston the opportunity to shadow him at work.
The episode begins with Jess and Coach returning home from the drugstore. Jess is excited about the outing, calling the two of them “Team Drugstore.” Her frustrations of the stagnant relationship between herself and Coach are clear, and she refers to him as a walnut, who she is “unable to crack.” She then expresses how hurt she is by the fact that Coach referred to her as “his buddy’s girlfriend.”
Jess turns to Nick for some advice to get closer to Coach, Nick then informs her that the only thing that is important to Coach right now is basketball, particularly the Pistons. Jess decides basketball is her way in, but Nick points out that she knows nothing about the sport, to which she refers to as “Basketsballs.” Her reasoning behind the name being that the sport includes two baskets not just one. Despite her overall ignorance to the game of basketball, Jess is determined to use it to her advantage. “We watch a few games, we dig into each other’s pasts...” A tension is then brought to light when Nick reminds Jess that he is a Bulls fan who are the rival team to the Pistons.
Meanwhile, Schmidt brings Winston to work to give him a taste of the Marketing business. On this particular day, Schmidt is in charge of showing the new guy around, Ed who is an old man who was hired due to an ageism lawsuit.
Jess begins her master plan of friendship by asking Coach to watch the game with her. An overall unenthused Coach, responds that it would be “cool to watch the game on the big T.V.” While Jess and Coach watch the game it’s clear that she has no idea what is going on and basically mimics everything Coach says. The two of them start to engage in the “Pistons butt bump” and Jess is obviously excited.
Nick’s frustrations with Jess pretending to be a Piston’s fan are heightened when Jess comes to bed wearing a Piston’s t-shirt. Nick takes this extremely personally and asks Jess to leave his bed. Nick tries to forbid Jess from being a Piston’s fan and decides to turn off his “sex-tap” until she switches to the Bulls. The two of them then begin a “sex standoff” and Jess reminds Nick that she is the stronger of the two of them, stating: “I can channel al of my sexual energy into knitting, how do you think I made it through high school?” Her claimed superiority in the matter only fuels Nick’s fire to successfully seduce Jess.
Back at the office, old man Ed pulls a fast one on Schmidt by presenting the idea Schmidt told him about the day before. Schmidt’s plan to present his vision of micro-marketing is stolen right before his eyes in a meeting and Ed is then asked to present his ideas later in the week.
Jess seems to be wearing thin on her and Nicks sex stand off as she lingers outside of his doorway donning Piston’s colors. Nick catches her, and Jess then attempts to seduce him by reading the definition of a piston to him. Just as Nick starts to fall for her advances, Jess laughs and claims that she is turning off her sex tap until Nick becomes a Pistons fan.
A frustrated Schmidt enlists the help of Winston to try and get inside Ed’s old and cranky mind in order to win back his idea. When Nick emerges into the scene, Winston and Schmidt use him as an example of an old and cranky. As Nick explains to the two of them why he used a film disposable camera to take his sexy picture for Jess he states, “You can’t control your technology, you need a hard copy...” A lightbulb then goes off in Schmidt’s head, and Nick begins to admit his weakening spirit in the sex standoff. Winston then advises him to wear the Piston’s jersey.
Jess’s determination to grow a meaningful friendship with Coach through basketball begins to falter when she cuts the television cables before they watch the next game. When Coach tries to watch in the other room, Jess asks him to enjoy some conversation with her. He then tricks her into watching the game by suggesting they go out to dinner...at a sports bar where the game is playing. During the dinner, Jess becomes fed up with the basketball charade and says to coach “I don’t like basketball, there aren’t any fun parts. There’s no themes, and men should not be wearing tank tops.” Coach insults her again by referring to her as his buddy’s girlfriend and she storms out.
Schmidt puts his plan to work at Ed’s presentation on mico-marketing. When Ed asks Schmidt to distribute the hand outs, Schmidt informs the room that he made a powerpoint instead. A technology challenged Ed is unable to operate the powerpoint, and decides to fake a heart attack. As he collapses onto Schmidt he says, “Got me this time Hebrew but I’ll be back!”
Nick who is exhausted from the sex standoff storms into the sports bar wearing a Piston’s jersey. He shouts, “Jess you win! I’m all backed up, I even fantasized about Winston!” When he runs into Coach, Coach asks him what Jess’s problem is. Nick then explains to his oblivious friend that Jess was simply trying to be Coach’s friend. Nick gives Coach some advice on how to make Jess his friend, and then flees the scene.
When Nick gets home he finds Jess in his room wearing a Bulls jersey. The two of them both give into their sex standoff, both still wearing the opposing teams jerseys.
After Schmidt’s plan is successfully carried out, he celebrates with Winston at the bar. Schmidt thanks Winston for his help, and offers him a job at his marketing firm. Winston then explains to Schmidt that the only part of the job he was interested in was investigating Ed. CeCe then suggests that Winston becomes a cop. Winston loves the idea and runs with it.
Back at home, Jess and Nick are successfully ending their sex standoff. When Coach returns home he knocks on the door and tells Jess that he’d love to be her friend. He then admits to her his childhood reasoning for becoming a Piston’s fan, giving Jess the emotionally satisfying friendship she wanted all along. Coach states, “It’s a lot easier saying bye to your buddy’s girlfriend then it is your friend.” Jess runs to the door and assures the Coach that she will never say goodbye to him, “...except right now.” She slams the door and returns to Nick.
Watch New Girl Tuesday nights at 9/8c on FOX.