Two episodes of New Girl in two days? FOX you have out done yourself. Season 3’s episode 15 entitled, “Exes” asks viewers who has the scarier ex, Nick or Jess?
The ex dilemma begins when Nick runs into Caroline at the farmers market. Unable to handle the awkward situation, Nick stutters, stumbles, and tumbles into a fruit display. When they arrive back to the loft, Nick tells Jess, “This is why I grocery shop at gas stations, Jess!” as they carry in arm fulls of fruit.
As they discuss the incident, Jess explains that she and her ex-boyfriend Berkley (Adam Brody) have a wonderful relationship! Nick then assures her that Berkley just wants to bone her. He deals with exes as so, “I don’t deal with exes! They’re part of the past, you burn them and you give their ashes to Poseidon.” The rest of the guys assure Jess that the only reason to stay in touch with an ex, is for sex. Coach explains, “Can’t spell sex, without ex.”
While the roomies discuss the ex situation, Schmidt saunters into the scene and begs everyone to come see his newly redecorated loft. Everyone refuses.
Though Nick has no interest in speaking to Caroline, Jess insists that he and his ex need closure. Nick is petrified of Caroline, “What if she hurts me physically? What if she hurts me with words!” Despite his agonizing fear, Jess convinces him to have coffee with Caroline (partially because she
just can’t give up the farmer’s market). When the two exes are brought together over coffee and scones, Nick crumbles under the pressure. He avoids all topics of his new relationship, and rambles on about anything to avoid answering Caroline’s grueling inquiry about why he left her.
After the unproductive coffee date, Caroline happens to see Nick and Jess together on the street. When she realizes they are dating, she explodes with anger and assumes Nick cheated on her with Jess.
While Nick and Jess deal with Caroline, Schmidt is having some personal problems of his own. It’s clear that he has lost his game, and he is unintentionally creepy to every girl he talks to at the bar. He confides in CeCe, who tells him that since he’s lived alone, he’s gotten a little weird. As she explains this to him he caresses his own arms. He then admits he is in a sexual drought.
Caroline is going crazy and is incessantly texting Nick about their break up. Nick’s feeling fearful of Caroline, and Jess suggests that he talk to Berkley for some friendly ex advice. Jess then texts him the following message: “Hey babe, bf problems, xoxo.” Nick tells Jess that she is definitely leading him on and there’s no way Berkley sees her as just a friend. Jess is naive and refuses to accept Nick’s criticism of her friendship. Nick then agrees to talk out his problems with Berkley.
Schmidt is trying to fix his loneliness and bribes Winston and Coach over to his bachelor pad with sub coupons. When Winston and Coach arrive they admire Schmidt’s new digs, “It looks like a European airport in here” Coach says as he looks around at the “plush surfaces.” Schmidt schmoozes the guys into loving his place by showing him the “15 different bang spots” while handing out personalized keys.
When Berkley arrives, he and Jess show off their healthy “ex” friendship. Nick is skeptical but Jess and Berkley assure him that it is possible to be friends. Jess tells Berkley, “I just want to say, you’re an incredible person and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” Nick decides to text Caroline and ask to be friends.
At the bar, Schmidt seems to be back in his game. He gives out his address to an attractive blonde who seems very interested. When Schmidt arrives home, he finds a different woman in his kitchen who asks him “are you Schmidt’s friend?” It turns out, that Coach brought back his own lady friend, and claimed that his name was Schmidt. After Schmidt agrees to go along with the plan, and take the guest room, he finds Winston with his own hook up.
As Nick tries to connect with Caroline via text, Berkley comes on to Jess, aggressively. He tells her that he plans to leave his wife Claire to be with her, and states “We can finally be together!” Jess is extremely confused, and pleads with Berkley to stop so Nick does not realize that he was right all along. Amidst Berkley’s passionate admission, Caroline appears outside of the apartment enraged, and destroys a car that she believes to be Nick’s. Nick yells out the window, “That’s not my car! I’m parked down the street! I don’t know why I told you that!” and moments later Caroline appears in the elevator with Sara, the blonde who is visiting Schmidt.
Nick thinks the coast is clear, and walks in on Jess telling Berkley that she does not love him. “OH MY GOD, I WAS RIGHT, HE WANTS TO BONE YOU!” Nick shouts. Berkley is heartbroken and confused, and tells Jess that she has been leading him on for a decade. “In 2004, you brushed my hand at a Dave Matthews Concert during Two Step!” Nick then chimes in “During Two Step!?”
Caroline then starts pounding and flailing outside the door, screaming at Nick. Sara, Schmidt’s date for the night frantically calls his name as she fearfully watches Caroline’s tantrum. When Schmidt opens the door, he and the guys agreed to each take a separate room for the night.
Caroline’s screaming finally subdues when Nick lets her in the loft. He tells her that he never cheated on her, and Jess provides a year timeline between Caroline and Nick’s breakup and the beginning of their relationship. Caroline then digs into Jess, telling her to enjoy being the girlfriend while it lasts because she will soon be the ex. This upsets Jess, and she leaves the room to hide in the bathroom. When Nick follows her, he tells her that it’s time that Caroline and Jess both heard the truth.
“Look I never cheated on you but I might as well have…” Nick begins to tell Caroline. “I fell in love with Jess the moment she walked through the door.” Jess’s eyes widen at Nick’s adorable confession.
Meanwhile, a not so adorable scene unfolds at Schmidt’s when the ladies become confused by the weird situation they are brought into. The double Schmidt issue backfires, and the girls think that they are a part of a weird group sex game. Coach and Schmidt’s women immediately storm out, but Winston’s quirky neighborly hook up decides to take advantage of the comfortable guest bed.
Back at the loft, after Nick’s heart warming honesty, Caroline continues to show off some more of her crazy. “You honestly scare me” Nick quips before she departs. Nick and Jess then are forced to kick a desperate Berkley out as well.
“The moment I walked through the door huh?” Jess says to Nick, she continues “‘Cause for me it was waaaaay later.” The scene ends preciously in an embrace, as Nick says “Oh come ‘ere already.”
New Girl airs at 9/8c Tuesday nights on FOX.
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