Ahh, love. It’s the most primitive, complicated, beautiful, insane, crazy emotion we as human beings will experience in our lifetime. It’s an emotion that is also the catalyst of unabashed joy, devastating pain, relentless jealousy, and undeniable, unexplainable, unthinkable stupidity. (Think Tom Cruise, Oprah Winfrey, and the infamous couch jumping incident of 2005).
Let’s face it. If you’re over 14, then you’ve likely been there. Being in love just makes us stupid. Whether it’s good love, or bad love, or somewhere in between, chances are that at some point in our relationships, we’ve changed from our usually well-behaved, sane selves, into some kind of love-drunk, emotional imbecile. We do things we wouldn’t normally do. We say things we wouldn’t normally say. Sometimes we even shun our families and create life long enemies out of our best friends. Love can make us neglect our dreams, our hobbies, even our lives, and then later on, when we’re freed of whatever emotional roller coaster “said love” took us on, we look back and think “what the hell was I thinking? Who even was that person??”
But hey, love’s power over the human heart isn’t some new, scientific discovery. Plays, movies, books, and especially music proves that being “in love” has defined us as emotional idiots since the beginning of time. Still skeptical? Please find below my list, (in no particular order), of the top 10 stupidest love songs to date, and why they are totally true life.
[new page = The Police]
The Police-“Every Breath You Take”
Why It’s Stupid: Because ironically this song is performed by The Police, yet it’s lyrical content is totally warranting a restraining order.
Why It’s True Life: Because, as my mama always told me, there’s no greater detective, spy, or stalker, than a heart scorned by love.
[new page = Bonnie Tyler]
Bonnie Tyler-“Total Eclipse of the Heart”
Why It’s Stupid: The thunder sound effect in the music production only adds to the cheesy drama of this bizarre love ballad, not to mention the absolutely horrifying video...but what makes this song truly stupid is the fact that throughout the whole thing, these two are just completely miscommunicating, and it’s very obvious and very frustrating for the listener. She goes on and on whining about how she’s a little this, and a little that, and he’s never there for her, even though I imagine him right behind her going “turn around,” and oh my God, can she just turn around already and end this??
Why It’s True Life: Because every now and then we all get a little bit lonely, a little bit scared, and we wonder if the best of our lives has already passed. And sometimes it would be nice if there were a hero behind us, encouraging us to just turn around. I know...deep stuff.
[new page = Dead Or Alive]
Dead or Alive-“You Spin Me Round”
Why It’s Stupid: As millennials, we’re all aware of Flo Rida’s remake of this wonderfully over the top 80’s jam, but I bet you guys didn’t know that the original jam I’m referring to is even more fantastical. This one wins a spot on my list not so much for content, but mostly because of the amazingly ridiculous video, which sports even more ridiculous dance moves and hairstyles and outfits — eye patch trend, anyone? This song is the perfect example of how outrageous blind-love can make us portray ourselves.
Why It’s True Life: Loving someone is a crazy, emotional ride. Hence “You Spin Me Round”. ‘Nuff said.
[new page = Atlantic Starr]
Atlantic Starr-“Secret Lovers”
Why It’s Stupid: Because you’re not really “secret lovers” when you’re broadcasting it to the world via a song.
Why It’s True Life: Because sometimes people cheat. No judgments, we all have our reasons and all that slutty jazz, but regardless of your reasoning, this song rings a bell with those of us who’ve ever drawn outside of the lines in a relationship.
[new page = Meatloaf]
Meatloaf-“I’d Do Anything For Love, (But I Won’t Do That)”
Why It’s Stupid: Because if you tell me you’re going to do anything for love, then I’m going to expect you to do it. You can’t just say you’ll do anything and hope to God I won’t ask you to do something you won’t want to do. I’m not a mind reader. Besides, if that’s not really your intention, then why don’t you just be honest right off the bat? Wouldn’t it be easier to start off with, “I would do most anything for love,” and spare me your five and a half minute song about why you’re actually a liar?
Why It’s True Life: Because in a relationship, especially at first, you truly believe you will do anything for love. Unfortunately, that only lasts so long. “I will do anything for love” — He asks you to have a threesome with your sister — “But I won’t do that.” Yup.
[new page = Ne-Yo]
Ne-Yo - “Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)”
Why It’s Stupid: I am trying to be objective here and ignore the fact that every time this song comes on the radio I am filled with violent urges at the most annoying melody choice of all time and am forced to punch the mute button before my head explodes...so lets just say this song is here because it is sooooooo annoying when people assume they can love you out of a broken heart.
Why It’s True Life: Because you can, in fact, be loved out of a broken heart. I experienced it once, and it was amazing.
[new page = The Isley Brothers]
The Isley Brothers-“Who’s That Lady”
Why It’s Stupid: This song lands on the list not so much because it’s stupid, but more because it’s cheesy and a smidge on the funny side. It’s one of those songs I find myself belting at the top of my lungs whenever one of my friends shows up for lunch wearing her Sunday best. Not to mention whenever I hear this song, I am reminded of those epic Swiffer commercials.
Why It’s True Life: I think at some point in our lives, we’ve all been out on the town when someone too hot to trot ends up trotting right in front of us. Queue that slow, sexy music in your head as you blurt out to your friends breathlessly, “Who is that??!” and then promptly find yourself tripping over that blasted, uneven sidewalk crack right in front of him.
[new page = Backstreet Boys]
Backstreet Boys-“Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely”
Why It’s Stupid: The Backstreet Boys were kind of the soundtrack of my early childhood and for that reason I will always have a soft spot for this epitome-of-the-90’s boy band, but what the f**k does this song even mean? I’m so confused. And besides, who wants to be shown the meaning of being lonely???
Why It’s True Life: Me. I want to be shown the meaning of lonely sometimes because sometimes, I just want to be left a-f***ing-lone. Relationships can be super smothering and if you really enjoy your personal space, like I do, then it’s not hard to feel suffocated by your significant other’s neediness. Call this irony, but I know I’m not alone here.
[new page = Death Cab for Cutie]
Death Cab For Cutie “I Will Possess Your Heart”
Why It’s Stupid: Because walking around threatening to possess someone’s heart probably isn’t going to get you that long-lasting, healthy relationship you seek. Unless you’re looking for her to call an exorcist on your ass, I’d count my losses and leave her alone. She’s just not that into you, buddy-boy.
Why It’s True Life: Because he was probably a totally normal person before he met that girl and became desperately obsessed, and that’s not really uncommon. Sometimes there’s that one person who literally turns us insane, spawning the desperate, back-to-back text sagas, midnight phone calls, and awkward conversations that go like this; “Oh, fancy running into you here at the Coffee Bean, what a bizarre coincidence! Tracking device on your phone? Me?? Of course not!”
[new page = Train]
Train “Marry Me”
Why It’s Stupid: Because who the hell is trying to marry someone they just laid eyes on? And I mean, just laid eyes on in a café and you’ve never even had a conversation or anything. You just basically saw this person from afar and you’re all like, “OMFG marry me!” Dude, this person could be a complete psychopath. (i.e. Mug shot of that super hot felon with a tear drop tattoo that recently went viral, and every comment on that picture for a hundred pages is like “MARRY MEEEE.") Stupid. Stupid. Dangerously stupid.
Why It’s True Life: Because I don’t know about you, but I totally believe in love at first sight. Maybe not grow old with me and be my baby daddy kind of love, but infatuation love. Love that is powerful enough to make me utter, even if it’s just in my head “OMFG MARRY ME,” because he is just that gorgeous.
About The Author: Madison Kiss is an LA based Pop Artist, Songwriter, Author, Model and Actress. This article was inspired by her new single “Love Makes Me Stupid.” For more on Madison Kiss, please visit MadisonKiss.com.