With the release of Gone Girl this weekend, the fall movie season is officially in full swing. Soon, awards-hopefuls are going to come in and try to dazzle, wow and impress us all in their races to the Oscars stage. But, like every year, this is the time of year with the most cinematic disappointments.
Sometimes these movies are filled with great talents, both in front and behind the camera. But that may just not be enough to make it work. Making movies is a hard balance; there’s not a science to it. Sometimes the movie just sucks, sometimes expectations are made too high by our peers. Either way, people leave the multiplex feeling like their dollars were misspent.
But, before those movies come to the multiplex, let’s look back at the movies that already disappointed us — or, at least, me — as they failed to live up either to their hype, potential or both. So, here's a look back at the biggest cinematic disappointments of 2014. So far, of course.
(Before I begin, it should be noted that a. I have not seen every since movie and b. my opinions are different that yours. If you like one of these movies, then that’s fine.)
Starting at number 10…..
Image courtesy of ACE/INFPhoto.com
[ new page = A Long Way Down, indeed ]
10. A Long Way Down
Granted, this wasn’t a movie on a lot of people’s radar, despite its high-caliber cast including Pierce Brosnan, Toni Collette, Aaron Paul and Imogen Poots. But as an adaptation of the book from Nick Hornby, whose novels would got on to inspire movies like High Fidelity and About a Boy, it’s disheartening that this movie is so milquetoast.
I already went fairly in depth with A Long Way Down in my review, but I will say that for a movie with such a delightfully dark premise and a great cast, it’s kinda shocking that this movie became so forgettable. At the end, you are supposed to be moved. But, mostly, you are left yawning and moving on with your life.
[new page = Definitely could use some Speed]
9. Need for Speed
Speaking of Paul and Poots, let’s move on to Need for Speed. Was Need for Speed ever going to be a great movie? Of course not, but it definitely had the potential to be a fun one. With its trailers promising a fun throwback to the racing movies of the 70s, and Paul in the lead in his first role since Breaking Bad, it had the potential to be a fun b-movie.
But it wasn’t. Much like the first couple Fast and Furious movies, it took its story and its characters far too seriously. The reason that the last couple Furious movies have been working—if still with terrible scripts—is that it is moving as far as it can from the story and working in more and more extreme action set pieces. Need for Speed had some solid set pieces, but grows continuously sluggish as it trails on. By the time the racing is actually happening, you just want to get it over with.
[new page = A tame Sex Tape]
8. Sex Tape
While the trailers didn’t inspire much confidence, there was at least some hope—on this end—that stars Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz could pull this off. Especially considering that the movie go a rewrite from Segel himself alongside Nicholas Stoller, whose screenwriting efforts brought such good comedies as Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Muppets and Get Him to the Greek to the screen. But, alas, it didn’t work out.
For a movie called Sex Tape, it is fairly remarkable just how tame and vanilla it become. Diaz looks game throughout, and Segel thinner frame proves that he is willing to make this all work. But they, and their talented supporting cast, are given next to nothing to work with. Forcing themselves to prattle on with half-thought out improvisation. It may be fun to see Diaz and Segel in some lewd sexual acts, but it's not enough to support a struggling 90 minutes.
[new page = A deathly comedy]
7. A Million Ways to Die in the West
When Seth MacFarlane was gearing up to make Ted, from the get-go, I was getting ready to outright dismiss it. His trend-setting sense of humor has lost its zest on his shows, resorting to cheap, overplayed gags and bathroom humor instead of clever writing. But, low and behold, his directorial debut was surprisingly inspired, mostly-focused and even heartfelt. It was far from perfect, but it was still the best thing he had done in years.
So, as he was gearing up to make his next movie, A Million Ways to Die in the West, I came in with hope that MacFarlane could produce another inspired and sharp comedy, if this time poking fun at the west. But everything that I feared from his first movie was present this time. As I described in my review, MacFarlane’s direction appeals soulless, with the gags overdone and overly sophomoric, and even his good cast couldn’t get anything good to do.
There are definitely moments in A Million Ways to Die in the West that work. But they are so few and far between that there is no real way to enjoy them following an overly long parade of insipid jokes.
[ new page = Tons of sins]
6. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
Anyone who says that the first Sin City movie is perfect either needs to rewatch the film or get his or her head examined. There are flaws galore in the Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller movie, but it's fun, pulpy adaptation was the rare comic book that got its source material’s tone perfectly captured. The special effects were unprecedented, its make-up extremely impressive and the movie boasted itself with an incredibly fun performance from Mickey Rourke.
Gearing up to Sin City: A Dame to Kill For release, I was excited to revisit this wild, film noir-inspired world. But, sadly, the magic was gone this time. As I wrote in my review, the effects, which seemed fairly seamless the first time, were far more wonky and a lot more distracting. Plus, the performances all around, save for Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Powers Boothe, constantly looked tired or confused, sometimes both. Bruce Willis half-asses here more than he did in Cop Out, Josh Brolin misreads what kind of movie he is in, and Jessica Alba, bless her heart, just can’t sell a dramatic moment to save her life.
Where the first was fun, this sequel is boringly macabre. If this is the best they could do in nine years, maybe we didn’t need a sequel after all.
[ new page= Transcend out of the theater]
5. Transcendence
What exactly went wrong with this one? It had a great cast, including Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Morgan Freeman, Kate Mara and Paul Bettany, just to name a few. It had an Academy-Award winning cinematographer and Christopher Nolan protégée Wally Pfister at the helm, with Nolan executive producing. The trailer also looked interesting. But, alas, the movie ended up being silly, pulse-less and, worst of all, fairly dull.
Hall gives a dedicated performance, being the only person in Transcendence that acts and feels like a real person. But Depp appears to be sleepwalking throughout his performance, before and after his transformation. The rest of the cast just seems confused. While I didn’t hate it like many others did, there is no denying that the potential of this movie is not earned. When it gets to its ridiculous last few minutes, you are ready for it all to wrap up.
[ new page= Monumentally slow]
4. The Monuments Men
Again, I must ask: what went wrong here? The cast was stellar; in fact it was probably among the best of the year. With George Clooney, Matt Damon, John Goodman, Cate Blanchett, Bill Murray, Jean Dujardin on board, just to name a few, and Clooney—already a established filmmaker having made Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Good Night, and Good Luck and The Ides of March—at the helm, it was looking like a potential awards-favorite. But then, the movie got bumped to February, and, when people saw the movie, it was easy to see why.
While it is noble of Clooney to keep pushing the filmmaking styles of the ‘40s and ‘50s into modern-day Hollywood, The Monuments Men has got to be among the most generic and plain-faced films to be released by a major studio this year. The movie has a good plot, but it has far too many characters, which Clooney cannot seem to balance. Plus, the movie lacks Clooney’s typical charisma, instead replacing it with a stiffness that is not very fun to watch.
[ new page = Wish I Wasn't Here]
3. Wish I Was Here
It’s been a long 10-year wait to see writer/director/star Zach Braff’s follow-up to his excellent debut Garden State. When news came that he was working on a sophomore directorial effort, even if it was through the help of a certain crowdfunding site, it was easy to understand the excitement. After his visional exceptional and highly inspired first movie, what would the former Scrubs star cook up after all this time?
Well, it turns out he heated up a meddling, redemption-less family comedy/drama where the comedy beats rarely hit and the dramatic ones come across as bloated and fairly pretentious. Braff rounded up a good cast for Wish I Was Here, and while Mandy Patinkin in particular shines in his supporting role, they can’t make a script that is so prematurely self-satisfied with itself work. It’s a real shame, but maybe next time, Braff will remind us why we loved his first movie.
[ new page = No Magic here]
2. Magic in the Moonlight
As a devoted and long-time lover of Woody Allen films, it is always a treat each year to see what the veteran filmmaker makes. Sure, while some don’t quite work (Hollywood Ending, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger), there are typically, at the very least, an enjoyable sit. But even that is lost in his latest, Magic in the Moonlight.
Despite the charming-as-ever leads, Colin Firth and Emma Stone, these two stars can’t find any spark of chemistry together. Maybe it comes from their age difference, maybe they just don’t gel, but it makes for a cumbersome viewing experience. Add into the mix one of Woody’s least inspired plots to date, and a variety of pretty but all-too-distant European backdrops, and you have one of the rare Allen movies that isn’t even fun to watch.
[new page = Far from Amazing]
1. The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Holy moley, where to begin on this one? Whether you liked the movie or not, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was a outrageous mess of a film. But where a mess of a Spider-Man sequel like Spider-Man 3 was still able to work itself out through fun set pieces and well-defined villains—or, at least, one villain—Amazing Spider-Man 2 has next-to-nothing to work with, story-wise.
While this one is better at capturing the tone of the web swinger than the fairly brooding first movie did, and leads Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield have solid chemistry, it is constantly dragged down by a movie that incorporates way too many storylines and characters without any sense of rhythm or reason. Each one appears rushed and unsatisfying, for the motivations of the villains and other characters are rarely clear. It’s a disaster of a movie, and this is come from the guy who liked every Spider-Man movie before it. Yes, even Spider-Man 3 and the original The Amazing Spider-Man.