The scandal that rocked the Internet on Wednesday was not more news about government surveillance programs. No, it was the truth about Cap’n Crunch. The Quaker Oats cereal mascot is not actually a captain and the reports of his decades-long deception forced him to defend himself on Twitter.

An imgur user posted a picture highlighting that the Cap’n only has three gold bars on his sleeve, which signifies that he is a commander, one rank below captain. A post of the photo skyrocketed on Reddit and sites like Gawker reported about the great lie Quaker Oats has been feeding us every morning. CNN even did a segment on the scandal.

Crunch went to Twitter to fight back. “All hearsay & misunderstandings! I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew, which makes me an official Cap'n,” he told The Consumerist. “Of course I’m a Cap’n!” he told another user. “It’s the Crunch – not the clothes – that make a man. #PaidMyDues.” Crunch is now using Twitter to drum up support, retweeting one person who used the hashtag #teamcaptain.

According to The Wall Street Journal, the US Navy has jumped into the fray.

“We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records – and we checked,” Lt. Commander Chris Servello told the Wall Street Journal. “We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer – and that’s a serious offense.”

Crunch has been navigating the Sea of Milk since 1963 and was born Horatio Magellan Crunch on Crunch Island. Since he wears a Napoleon-style hat, he might be French.

image: imgur