Hollywood has lost its ability to create new original stories. The recent announcement that Dirty Dancing will even be remade has only made it more obvious. If a film isn’t a sequel or prequel, it’s a remake. While films shouldn’t be remade - period - here is a list of the top ten films that should never, ever be remade.
1. Gone With The Wind - Victor Fleming, 1939
In 1939, Americans made it quite clear that Clark Gable was Rhett Butler and I’m sure they would agree that no one else could ever be Rhett. No one could be Scarlett other than Vivien Leigh either. Also, in today’s politically correct world, how would Hollywood deal with slavery? Add to that the fact that today’s audience can’t seem to sit still for over two hours and Hollywood would have a disaster on their hands.
2. The Wizard Of Oz - Victor Fleming, 1939
Sam Raimi’s Oz: The Great And Powerful is, thankfully, just a prequel. The Wizard of Oz is the second half of the duo of 1939 films that should never, ever be touched. Who would be Dorothy and how could they ever compare to Judy Garland?
3. The Godfather - Francis Ford Coppola, 1972
The day someone other than Marlon Brando tells me they have an offer I can’t refuse on a motion picture screen is the same day of the apocalypse.
4. The Back To The Future Trilogy - Robert Zemekis, 1985-1989
The Dirty Dancing and Footloose remakes show that Hollywood is currently infatuated with revisiting the ‘80s. Let’s just hope they stay far, far away from the most fun science fiction films the decade produced. Back to the Future and its sequels are so iconic that it would be almost impossible to see anyone else yelling “Great Scott!” and asking “You built a time machine...out of a Delorean?”.
5. Grease - Randal Kleiser, 1978
Grease is one of the most popular modern musicals and I fear that someone is dreaming up a way to recast the film with today’s popular singers. Let the original Grease be. There is nothing cooler that Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta belting out “We Go Together” in skin-tight, black clothing.
6. Singin’ In The Rain - Gene Kelly & Stanley Donen, 1951
You might as well throw in all the other musicals MGM made from 1940 to 1958. Today’s dancing and singing talent just can’t compare to the likes of Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire or Lucille Ball. The fact of the matter is that the people I just name-dropped could literally do it all. Today, most of our celebrities can sing or dance or act and it’s very rare that someone can do all three.
7. Clue The Movie - Johnathan Lynn, 1985
Never in a million years did I think we would ever have to worry about the bizarrely quirky film adaptation of the board game being remade, but apparently, we do. Gore Verbinski, director of the first three Pirates of the Caribbean films, was already told by Universal a remake was a bad idea, but he’s still shopping the idea around. Let’s hope all the other studios do the same. Who could replace such a great cast with names like Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd, Martin Mull and Madeline Khan?
8. Rocky Horror Picture Show - Jim Sharman, 1975
Speaking of great Tim Curry roles, nobody could replace him in his career-defining role - the one and only Dr. Frank-N-Furter. For that point alone, Rocky Horror Picture Show should be left alone. It is such a cultural milestone it can’t be revisited.
9. Casablanca - Michael Curtiz, 1942
The most romantic film of all time is untouchable. True romantic films - where every kiss does not lead to a laugh - just are not made today. Someone would have the sick idea of turning Casablanca into a romantic comedy. Nobody today could match the acting of Bogart, Bergman, Henreid and Rains or say those great lines with the wit and emotion required.
10. Mary Poppins - Robert Stevenson, 1964
In the early part of the last decade, Disney had the insatiable desire to remake most of their classic live-action films with their current Disney Channel stars. Even The Parent Trap wasn’t impervious to this. Thankfully, we never had to see Lindsay Lohan hanging from an umbrella.